"Marriage, Purity, and Honoring God"

Here's a nice piece written by Steven Crowder, Comedian and Fox News contributor, about his courtship, purity, and waiting till the wedding night for intimacy.

Click here for the article!

The author and his wife on his wedding day in August 2012. (Courtesy of the author.)

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2012/09/14/staying-celibate-before-marriage-was-best-thing-ive-ever-done/#ixzz272q1pyAX

"This is War" by Paul Washer

Take this to heart, Men... 

Lead Them to Calm Waters

As a homeschooling Dad, one of my duties is to protect my wife and children from "doing too much." It's a lot for my wife to already be the primary educator in the home, keeper of the home, covenant partner to myself, and all the other things that's wives and mothers do, so to allow them to take on unnecessary commitments never ends well in my home.

Over the years I've seen homeschool families lean toward overcompensating for the fact that their children aren't in public school doing all the things that public school children do, and they seem to think that enrolling their kids in more and more is somehow going to help their kids not feel so different or left out. Now, I'm not advocating living a cave-like existence, where your family never does anything, but again, the norm isn't too much non-involvement, it's over involvement.

I'm not one to let the public schools decide how many activities my children should be involved in. I don't let them set our educational agenda, dictate what's taught in our home, or let them have unfettered access to my wife and kids daily lives, so why should I feel any pressure from them when it comes to activities outside the home. They have no jurisdiction whatsoever in my home, and I aim to keep it that way.

Signs of your wife and children hitting critical mass and having an over-committed schedule could be:

• More irritability in the home
• Children not happy unless they're going somewhere
• Wife stressed out
• Dad not resting after work due to kids activities
• Dad's day off consumed with wife and kids commitments 
• Family's schedule at mercy of children's schedule
• Saying no to church and fellowship because of other commitments
• No gentle and quiet spirit in your wife
• Family not home when Dad's home
• Kids activities becoming a source of tension between parents

These are just  some symptoms that maybe it's time reevaluate your family's priorities. Eliminate what you can and really enjoy that which mattes most. Rather than the kids doing too many things on their own, plan to do some neat and exciting things as a family. It bothers me greatly when I see Dads who don't take their families to enriching family events where history is taught, friendships are formed, and everyone is encouraged. 

Dad's, don't let your children grow up and leave the home without you having done everything you could to make them feel like you really believed they were gifts from the Lord. A weekend getaway with Dad is worth so much more than a season with strangers.

Sit down this week and consider what your wife are involved in and committed too, then begin asking yourself whether or not it's something they need to do or can it be eliminated. Then, sit down with your wife and ask her feedback on what you think is best. Listen to her as your helper and covenant partner, but remember, whatever decision you both make, you're responsible for it and the impending results. 

If you listen to your wife, even if you don't agree, covenant headship dictates that you can't say, "I told you so." If you can't bless the decision then don't do it. You're the head of the home, go out and function as such with the Lord guiding your path.
 
Be the leader your wife and kids need you to be, and be the man of God the LORD created you to be. Lead your wife and children to calm waters; even if they aren't asking for it, they're looking for it. 


Best wishes!

A Companion of Fools

Three Fools of Carnival, Pieter Bruegel the Elder

"Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, 

but the companion of fools will suffer harm." 

-Proverbs 13:20

There is much wisdom in this Proverb, both for young and old alike. In my home, we talk regularly to our children about the company they keep, the books they read, and how they spend their time, because my wife and I both know the powerful influence these have on our lives. 

In high school, I was the proverbial "fool" that Christian parents would've wanted their little Johnny to stay away from, and had my hand in leading many a young person down the fool's road. I lacked wisdom and discretion in many areas of life, and enjoyed finding others who shared my views. It wasn't until the Lord's grace reached me and transformed my life by removing my heart of stone and implanting a heart of flesh, that I was able to finally see my folly; and folly is putting it mildly.

So what company are you keeping these days? Who do you enjoy spending your days off with, your free time with, and your internet time with? 

What about your children; what company are they keeping? 

Who do you believe in your heart, has the hearts of your children? 

Have they become "the companion of fools," or do they walk with the wise?

The Proverb says "whoever walks with the wise becomes wise," but what exactly does that mean?  To 'walk' with the wise is to willingly reject the fool's path. Walking with someone is a predetermined, cognitive act, that moves you in a certain direction. It isn't just 'knowing' the wise, or once in a while heading in the same direction as the wise; NO, it's much more intentional, much more decisive, much more engaging, and much more formative. It's doing life with the wise, and letting the wise shape your life.

A companion of fools is easy to spot. He's the guys who mopes around aimlessly in life while the wise move toward a vision of where they want to be. The fool is seldom called upon to accomplish anything because no one, except maybe his mother, believes he can do much of anything based on his track record. He's the guy who quits every job he has because he believes his boss is picking on him. The guy who refuses to join the military because he hears stories about how hard boot camp is and that he can't play video games there. The guy who's only looking for a date, not a wife, and only pursues girls who's dad isn't the protector he's called to be in her life. The fool thinks life should be easy, where as the wise understand the fall of man and the duty of man toward God to bring order out of chaos in a fallen world.

The fool says little in life of any substance. He holds no place of honor in the systems of government God has established for humanity to live and function under. He's the guy who says "let's eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we shall die." The wise "eat, drink and are merry" as well (1 Cor. 10:31), but for much different reasons. In 1 Corinthians 15: 33-34, Paul says, 

"Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” Wake up from your drunken stupor, as is right, and do not go on sinning. For some have no knowledge of God. I say this to your shame."

Are duty as men toward God is to pursue wisdom with all our heart. And our duty as fathers and parents is to raise sons and daughters who pursue wisdom with all their heart. The trumpet has sounded and the King awaits your service....

 "Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, 

 act like men, be strong."

-1 Corinthians 16:13

Our Children's Reputations

I recently started Vlogging in the hopes of being able to interact with you, my readers, more. I'm new at this, so it will take some time to work out the kinks, and improve upon my skills. My wife and other lady friends have already said I need to smile more, so I'll keep that in mind! :-)

Share your thoughts, and let me know what you think. Also, if you have any ideas on a topic you'd like me to cover, or have a question you'd like me to answer as a Vlog, please let me know. Thanks, and God Bless...

(If you'd like to receive new videos as I release them, you can subscribe to my YouTube channel by clicking here!

CAPTIVATED: Finding Freedom in A Media Captivated Culture

A few nights ago, my family gathered together for movie night, and watched a new movie that  came out a few months ago entitled Captivated: Finding Freedom in a Media Captive Culture. It was a blessing to watch and very informative. I know that it can be hard to find good quality movies to watch in your home, but this is one I highly recommend and will spark wonderful discussion with your children afterwards.  Here is a peek at the trailer:







The description:

Everywhere we go we are surrounded by screens. Have we entered a techno utopia or a virtual prison? Should we be unreservedly celebrating or cautiously analyzing? Has social media given us richer, fuller friendships, or have our relationships become robotized? What should we expect from the next generation, when the average American child has over fifty-three hours of screen time a week?

Discover answers to these questions and more from church leaders, media experts, and inspiring individuals and families from across America, and learn how God’s Word addresses the unique media challenges which our captivated culture must face.

One of the strongest points of this movie is that they had teenagers, dads, and women personally speak out about their addiction to media and how they overcame their circumstances. My children were impressed, encouraged and challenged by speakers such as Ray Comfort, Kevin Swanson, KP Yohannan, and other godly men in the movie. This is a wonderful movie for family movie night!

You can get this powerful movie here now on sale for 10% off. 

Or at Amazon HERE.

Also, my wife is trying to save people money when they purchase items from Vision Forum by using this coupon code. Check it out!
LAST DAY to save $15 off a $50 order at Vision Forum!

Conquering A City In 2012

Here we are fellas, a few days past Christmas and a new year on the horizon. If you're like me, your scrambling through the files of your mind trying to decide what needs to change next year and what went well this year. Most of us make New Year's resolutions at the beginning of each year and hope that we'll see them come-to-pass. There are many areas of my life that I know the Lord would like me to improve upon next year, and by His grace they will be different come December of 2012.

I'm wondering if you'd like to join me on a quest to improve the quality of life for yourself and for your family in the coming year. I know that by making my desires public, I open myself up for public inquisition at any time. Maybe that's a good thing. Men need to be challenged in all areas of their life, like the kings of Israel and the Prophets who helped guide them. The first king who didn't have his own prophet ended up allowing his passions to run wild and it led to much sin and heartache. I'm speaking of Solomon, who as and old man wrote about the meaninglessness of everything life had to offer expect obedience to God.

So if you're willing to join me in setting out to conquer the city that's known by your name, send me an email or post a comment on this blog.

Below is a list of some areas of life that I'd like to improve upon next year and some areas that I know other Men struggle with and need to conquer if they're to truly excel in their walks with the Lord and in the leadership of themselves and their families:

• Prayer life

• Study of God's word

• Family devotions with wife and children

• Finances (budgeting, debt elimination, saving, etc. I know this is a major one for many men, and if I could, I'd like to recommend a book that's easy to read, The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey.)

• Marital oneness (Connecting with our wives at a heart level on a daily basis. Not sure how to, just ask your wife.)

• Sexual purity (Another big issue, if not THE issue, that has crippled the power of men in the church. Whether it's adulterous relationships, masturbation, pornography, fornication, or any other sexual sin--until we as men get control over our God-given desires and steer them in the right direction, we will lack the power to serve that comes through purity. Let's put this sin to death, men!)

• Family ministry endeavors (What can your family do as ministry to others in 2012? Whether it's serving in a homeless shelter, nursing home, soup kitchen, or caring for the elderly in your neighborhood, find something you can do together and do it!)

• Discipleship of children (I'm talking about intentional discipleship here, not just what comes by living with you.)

• Home improvements (the condition of our homes is a reflection of our lives and a message to our wives.)

• Fasting and prayer (I'm beginning the year with a 30 day season of fasting and prayer that I'd love for some men to join me on. I'll go from 1/2/12 - 1/31/12. Let me know if your interested. You can do 1 day a week, 10 days, 20, or all 40. You decide and stick to it.)

• Diet and exercise (For too many of us, the question isn't whether or not we need to lose weight, the question is, how much weight do we need to lose? I want to see my grand-kids, so I know that this is gravely important.)

• Knowledge expansion (What I mean here is how are you continually developing your mind? Did you read any good books this year? What do you plan to read next year? I would challenge you to read a minimum of 6 books next year. That's only 1 book every two months. Some of you who read well and more quickly should read 12 books, one per month. Read in diverse areas as well. If you need suggestions, let me know.)

• Church Life (The Lord opened the door for my family to team up with several other tremendous families to start a family integrated church in the Northwest Indiana/Chicagoland area, and with the basic structures put in place in 2011, we're believing 2012 will be a year of blessing and growth if we honor the Lord and follow where He leads. So I'll be praying and fasting for our new Church, New Hope Christian Fellowship, and would cherish your prayers for us as well. And, if you might be interested in visiting us, we'd be honored to have you as our guest!)

These are just some of the things that I've been thinking through for myself and for other men close to me. This is not an exhaustive list of areas that need addressing by men, it's just meant to get you thinking about next year. Consider it and send me your thoughts.

And oh yeah...Happy New Year!

Jurisdictional Authority

God has set jurisdictional boundaries in all areas of life; whether it's at work, home, church, or in the neighborhood, we must understand and respect the the jurisdictions that exist within our lives. You might be wondering what I mean by 'Jurisdictional Authority,' so let me give you a brief description that might help you gain a better understanding of what many have failed to grasp.

Jurisdictional authority simply means that there are areas of life you have no authority in, and if you try having authority there, you'll quickly find yourself face-to-face with those who actually do have authority in that area, and in opposition to God's established structure. For instance; at work you have no authority over your peers, but your supervisor does. If you try telling your peers what to do, they'll resist you and you'll soon be standing at attention in the bosses office. Or at church, you might try disciplining another member of the church for sin, but might not be in a position of Elder or Deacon, and the actual Elders and Deacons might come down on you for over-stepping your boundaries.

Speak to the Parents, not the Child
Another area that we must understand and respect jurisdictional authority in is the area of family. If you're not the parent, know your limitations. You may have wonderful ideas for what someone's child should be doing with their life, talents, and treasures, but to try and persuade that child to do it without speaking to their parents first is not acceptable. The age of the child does have some bearing on when it's appropriate to speak to them without having spoken to the parents however. If the child is in their twenties, that's one thing, but if they're still teens or younger, that's another entirely. The bible says nothing about 'your 18 now, you're an adult.'

As well, I believe gender plays a role in deciding when it's appropriate to approach a child with your plans for them without having spoken to the parents. I believe if a daughter is living at home, she is under her father's covenant headship, and the proper way to address the daughter with significant plans like where to work, go to church, who to court, etc., should absolutely be brought to the parents attention first, and especially the father who God has placed over that daughter until she's  married.

With sons, it's a little different. Boys should be groomed to be Priests, Prophets, Providers and Protectors, and because of this, should be given more opportunity to choose the right path for themselves in their early twenties even if they're living at home. They don't need a father's protection in the same way a daughter does, so their releasing, if you will, from the father's covenant protection should come about sooner rather than later. To protect a boy for too long will thwart his spiritual growth and leave him in a state of arrested development as a leader.

Know Your Own Authority
Jurisdictional authority exists because God put it in place. Know your boundaries and respect those who have God given authority where you have none. As well, know your authority and use it to guide and direct the affairs of your life with grace and wisdom.

Let me know what you think on the subject, and whether you agree or disagree, and why. I'd love to dialogue on the matter. Grace and Peace!

Recommended Reading:

 

 

Leadership

"The quality of a leader is reflected in the standards they set for themselves."

Bringing Back the Hat

My friends over at The Art of Manliness website have an interesting article about the demise of male hat wearing, and some examples of masculine hats, should you so desire to wear one. Click here to read!

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Look not mournfully into the past, it comes not back again. 

Wisely improve the present, it is thine. 

Go forth to meet the shadowy future without fear and with a manly heart.
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Manly Quote From Theodore Roosevelt

"Far better it is to dare mighty things than to take rank with 

those poor timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."

- Theodore Roosevelt

Tools for Raising Sons

A simple list of tools useful for raising boys:

• Good Bible
• Good food
• Good football
• Good baseball
• Good basketball
• A park

The Gospel Coalition 2011 in Chicago

Looking forward to attending this with family and friends this week. If you plan on attending, I'd love to meet you have some coffee together!

Raising Sons: Fighting a Feminized Culture

"We live in a feminist and effeminate culture. Because of this, at best,

as a people we are uneasy with masculinity, and with increasing

regularity, whenever it manages to appear somehow, we call for 

someone to do something about it." -Douglas Wilson, Future Men

There's a reason tween girls like the Jonas Brothers (pictured above), and it's probably because they look like tween girls themselves. Skinny jeans and mom's haircut is how I heard one speaker at a conference I attended describe their look: not them specifically, but boys who look like them. 

Our boys are growing up in a society where being feminine and male are synonymous with one another. To be masculine is seen as being extreme, macho, or even mean to some. Carrying yourself like a man should won't get you very far with the culture we live in. Even in many christian churches, boys looking feminine isn't too abnormal. Parents say it's just a phase, or they'll grow out it, and perhaps they will; but why can't that "phase" be one of biblical masculinity? Why is a phase always sinful, and why do parents accept it?

If your boys are leaning toward the feminine look that's popular for young men, like, skinny jeans and moms haircut, you should be asking yourself some basic questions like: 

Who has your son's heart? 

Who are his primary influences? 

Why isn't his dad who he's trying to emulate? (Assuming dad doesn't wear skinny jeans and have moms haircut!)

And, is your son learning manhood from the word of God?

There are great passages of scripture that every son should learn from if his desire is to become a biblical man. I always tell young men to study the qualifications for Elders and Deacons laid out in 1 Tim. 3: 1-13, and Titus 1: 5-9, then set out to meet that criteria for their lives. One of my favorite verses, 1 Cor. 16:13, says, "Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong." (emphasis mine) And of course, I tell them to study the life of Christ, who is the ultimate example of manhood, and live a life that's pleasing to Him.

Being masculine has nothing to do with height or weight either, because I know some out there have accused me of saying that all boys should fall into the jock/athlete model, and that's not at all what I'm saying. He shouldn't be a bully either, and he shouldn't punch any guy out who didn't deserve it. A biblical man is one who understands his position in the world and embraces his duty as a man. To abandon his position as a leader, a provider, a protector, or a priest, is to sin against God, and to sin against those he's called to lead.

I've had the pleasure of meeting and getting to know some wonderful examples of young men who have risen above the mediocrity that culture sets forth for young men today, and have seen first hand what the Lord can do with those who truly desire to live Godly in an ungodly world. These young men come from households that take seriously the commandment to "bring up our children in the training and instruction of the Lord." (Eph. 6:4)

It takes work to raise Godly, masculine boys, and there may be some resistance along the way, because after all, their hearts are naturally inclined to resist God's will for their life and embrace sin as the norm; but don't lose heart, God's grace is inexhaustible. I'm a prime example of someone who defied God's will for my life through my teen years and beyond, and today, by His grace, and by His grace alone, I stand here encouraging others to lean on His word. Let's not accept what seems to be the norm out there, rather, let's redefine the norm with the word of God. You won't be popular, and you might even take one for the team from time to time, but that's okay, we need runners on base!

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(At the end of this post, I have several resources listed that would benefit you with regards to raising sons.)

5 Reasons You Should Get to Church On Time

1. You're a bad example to your children.
2. You're a bad example to visitors.
3. You're a bad example to the congregation.
4. You're a bad example of a Christ follower.
5. You're a bad example to your Pastor.

We could go on, but we'll stop there. I hope this isn't you, but if it is, repent and get up early this Sunday! 

Fabulous Lilla Rose Giveaway!

Hi everyone! This is Mrs. June Fuentes, wife to Steve, popping in to say hello to all the readers of The Male Domain and let you know that there is a fabulous Lilla Rose giveaway going on at my blog, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home!

Husbands and sons--Lilla Rose sells beautiful hair jewelry and much more for your mothers, wives, sisters and daughters be sure to visit them to purchase something special for the loved ones in your life. The holidays are around the corner (hint, hint!). :)

And for the women readers of The Male Domain--everything is beautiful--trust me! Hurry on over there right now!

Here is a glimpse of one their great items, The Flexi-Clip:

Click this link to go to the Giveaway and see more or here to directly visit the store.

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Discernment: A Lost Art in Today's World

Question: 

"Which parts of a cow are good for eating, and which aren't?" "Which liquids produced by a cow are good for drinking, and which aren't?"

Most people would have no problem answering these questions because the answers seem pretty obvious. However, when it comes to other issues where discernment is needed, I see people lacking in this necessary survivor skill. They throw out the baby with the bath water, or take a blanket approach to answering questions, rather than do some critical thinking which might take some time, and might upset a few folks.

I know it's easier not to think, and it's easier to just go along to get along, but is that what Christ calls us to? As believers, we are called to have and implement discernment all the time. We must look at the culture, and be able to discern which aspects of it should be adopted, which should be adapted, and which should be rejected. I learned this three way approach to culture from Ed Stetzer, who has a great ability to discern the times and develop an approach for the gospel in a given setting.

As we move forward in our lives, my hope is that our ability to discern the times we live in, discern movements around us, and discern  crucial areas of life that we must engage, grows deeper and deeper so that we may able to live as Christ did, and wear the coat of Christ in a way that brings Him glory!

Fatherhood 101

I'll be the first to admit - when it comes to fathering - I've got a long way to go. Many of the men I make time for in my life are men I can learn from when it comes to one of the most important jobs I'll ever have - fathering.

With only a limited number of hours in a day, week, or month, I know how important every decision I make regarding my time is. Saying 'Yes' to something that pulls me away from my home and family, is saying 'No' to my family. As men, we need to make hard calls and learn to live as Christ lived - sacrificially. We can't say yes to every ballgame, sports league, or guys outing that doesn't include our families. Doing so will greatly tarnish your familial legacy, or even worse, cause your children to reject the God you desire them to follow because, in their eyes, God stole their dad.

The decisions we make with our time will have far reaching implications with our children and families. Some things need our time - work, keeping up our homes and vehicles, time alone with our spouse, etc.- but others, not so much. Personally, I grew up a big sports buff, a jock if you will. I lettered in football, baseball, and swimming in high school, and was captain my senior year of several of those teams. When I wed, and even after having my first child, I still tried to maintain and feed my appetite for athletics that I thought I couldn't live without. I joined sports leagues, spent Saturday afternoons with friends at the field, and tried to catch every ball game on TV. All this was on top of working over 40 hours a week, so you can imagine, my wife and daughter didn't get much of me; and what they did get was usually left overs.

It took the Lord moving in my heart and me choosing to obey His voice to make the changes necessary to bring me back home - where I belonged. It wasn't easy, and it didn't happen over night. The changes were gradual, and even today, with eight wonderful children, I'll still catch the occasional ball game (playoffs usually), and keep up with the NFL, MLB, and NBA by listening to sports talk on my drive to/from work. My boys and I are big Chicago Bears fans, so this year is starting off great with them being in first place with a 4-1 record!

I believe the Lord speaks to men about their activities all the time, but unfortunately, most Christian men ignore what He's saying to them because of what obeying it might mean. How sad, that a team or game which has no soul, feels no emotions, and  knows none of its devotees names, is valued more to many men than their own children or wives. How many men opt out of church or bible study because there's a game on that they  absolutely can't miss? I've seen and heard this far too often, even in my own my life, before I chose to obey the voice of God.

My word to you guys is this: Don't make time for the temporal by sacrificing the eternal. Your wife and kids need your time - not your money or possessions - your time. An hour with dad to a 8 year little boy or girl is like a whole day in their eyes. Sitting on the couch with your kids gathered around conveys to your family that they really matter and that dad means what he says about God. The Lord will hold us responsible for how we bring up our children (Eph. 6: 4), and how we love our wives (Eph. 5: 25), and in order to accomplish both of these commandments, somethings gotta give.

So build you an altar, lay your time consuming activities on it, gather your family around, choose to obey the voice of the Lord, and let the bonfire begin - I'll bring the marshmallows!



Feel free to share a comment of how God has changed what you choose to spend your time on, I'd love to read about it!

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Why Glorify Evil?

My family doesn't celebrate, honor, give credence to, attention to, or spend money on, Halloween. Why not? -you ask- because we're Christians, I say. We'd rather do all the above for the one who redeemed us from our voracious appetites for evil, Jesus Christ.

Now, if you're not a Christ follower, go ahead, indulge in Halloween. I don't expect you to live under biblical authority (although, even unbelievers are blessed when they adhere to biblical precepts), but, if you'd rather not, I won't hold it against you.

On the other hand, if you are a Christ follower, redeemed by the blood of the Lamb through and through, I'm curious to know why you would choose to bring attention to, exaltation to, and spend your money on, that which God says to avoid? Just curious, that's all - really - I'm not looking for a fight, or trying to judge your motives or heart, (only God can do that), but I'm always fascinated at the responses Christians give when they try to justify celebrating Halloween every year about this time. It's like Mike Tyson in a spelling bee - lots of mumbling, studdering, and sweating!

So go ahead, throw a punch, I can take it. Just stay above the belt because I'd like to have more kids!

Whatever you choose for your family, just remember this - the cross of Christ unites us, and therefore, if you disagree with me, I'm cool with that, and as an expression of my solitude with you, if we ever meet I'd be willing to to let you buy me a cup of coffee as we chat about how wrong you are on this one! Peace...

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To see a short video about the origins of Halloween, visit my wife's blog, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, by clicking here! She has quite an array of opinions being expressed...

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