How To Take a Wife: Random Thoughts from a Simple Guy

As a father of nine wonderful children, marriage is talked about, read about, and thought about often in my home. Through the years, the LORD has laid upon my heart a blueprint that I hope will help my children all get married in due time. The process will look different for my sons and my daughters, yet, there will be some overlap in how both groups go about getting married, should the LORD allow.

In this post, I'll jot down a few thoughts I have on how my sons, and young men in general, should go about the process of "taking a wife." This isn't an exhaustive list by any means, and as a man gets older, say late twenties and beyond, the process will begin to change as well, so what I hope to do is present some unchanging principles that I've learned over the years.

Stage 1: Prepare Yourself
Young men should be about the business of men at an early age in life. This doesn't exclude having fun or playing xbox, but it does mean that there are limits on how much time is spent being burned in frivolous activities. As you age, say early teen to early twenties, what occupies most of your time should look vastly different from your younger years. What the bible calls men to be should begin forging who you're becoming. Study the lists on qualifications for Elders in passages like 1 Timothy 2, and Titus 1, then set those standards as your standards, and become them!

Stage 2: Have Biblical Worldview
Being firmly grounded in mid-air isn't an option! Know what you believe, why you believe it, and how to defend it from scripture. If you cant' defend it from scripture, change your belief so you can. Some key areas of biblical belief are:

• Will your wife work outside of your home?
  
• When will you begin having children?
  
• How will you educate your children?
  
• Will you use birth control?
  
• Do you understand headship and gender roles?
• What type of church will and your family attend?
• Will you go into debt, or stay out of debt, for various reasons?
  

Again, these are just a sample of what you should think through before you go entering into a life-long covenant with a young lady. You don't want to ask a lady to follow you if you don't know where you're going. Too many men get married before ever considering any of these questions.

I believe men should be ready to be a dad before ever getting married. I believe the womb should be open to the LORD in "most" cases, and that birth control should be avoided, again, in "most" cases.

I believe children should receive a thoroughly biblical education.

I believe God has laid upon the man the role of provider, and that his wife should work at home, helping to advance the vision that the LORD has given to the man for his household.

My ideals have grown over time, and I expect that they'll grow even more in the future. As a first generation believer, coming to some of the decisions I've come to hasn't been easy, or without complications, but I can say this, I'm able to defend why I believe them from a biblical perspective, and you should able too.

Stage 3: Look for a Wife, not a date
When the time comes and you feel like your ready for marriage, and not just a "good time," you'll begin the process of looking for a wife. Let me say this as clearly as I can, "Marriage is for Men, not boys," so if all you want is a date, good time, female companionship with no strings attached, push on. Don't ruin anyone's life because you're not willing to grow up. A woman wants a man who will lead her and take care of her, not a boy she must coddle and hope he changes someday.

The woman you choose as a bride should meet certain biblical standards, not perfectly mind you, because no one does, but at least be moving in that direction. Study the lists in Proverbs 31, along with the lists for Godly women in 1 Timothy 2 and Titus 2 as well, to gain a good understanding of what to look for in a wife.

Stage 4: Speak with her Father, or male protector
I believe in covenant headship, and therefore, I believe when a young man finds a gal he believes could be his wife, he should make his intentions known to her father, before making them known to her. This may sound awkward, but that's only because it flies in the face of how things are done in our culture, and in most Christian circles. If you're a good catch with some bait on the hook, a good father isn't going to rule you out right a way. He's only going to make sure you're marriage material, is fairly close to what his daughter is looking for (he'll know this because he'll know his daughter), and that you won't be wasting his daughter's time, and playing with the strings of her heart.

If you meet a young lady, perhaps one in her mid to late twenties or beyond, and she isn't living with parents, parents aren't alive, and/or there's no male protector in her life, then speak to her Pastor(s). A good pastor will want to protect his sheep, and he'll do what her dad was suppose to do, protect her. Let him know you're desiring marriage and that you wish to approach a lady from his church. Most pastors will welcome the opportunity of helping to facilitate a God-honoring courtship.

Stage 5: Begin the Courtship
There's too many ways to do courtship, and I'm sure many can meet the biblical standards for purity, pace and perspective, so I'm not going to go into the mechanics of "how" to court, but I will say this; courtship isn't marriage, but neither is courtship dating. You aren't in an unbreakable covenant by courting, but you shouldn't think that this courtship can end at any time, for any reason, either. I think somewhere in the middle is solid ground.


So there you have it, some of my random thoughts on "how to take a wife." If it helps, fine, if not, to each his own. Whatever way you go about finding and taking a wife, make sure you honor the LORD in the process, honor the young lady involved, and maintain your purity. Do this and you shall live, don't, and you shall die a slow and painful death. . . . . at least if my girls are involved!

Recommended resources:

Books:

   

 

 

 

A Safe Place To Be

I hate hearing of men who refuse to protect their daughters-who won't stand up or speak up when the wolves come looking for food. Since when was 18 the age that girls needed to defend themselves; to provide for themselves; or to make it by themselves? I don't find that in the Bible, so I'm left to assume that someone, in years past, declared this, and the masses who were...(better not say it) followed suit.

The LORD has blessed me with three of the most beautiful girls any man could hope to marry, and I'll tell the world- without hesitation- that my girls have a safe place to live until the day I give them away in marriage. I love them, and when you love something, you protect it. How many men wouldn't even leave their xbox out in the rain, but would have no problem leaving their daughters out in the world unprotected, unprepared, and unloved. Oh, but, "I do love my daughter," they'll say, and I say, "nonsense," you love your freedom and extra money more than you love your daughter, and that's why the wolves are well fed tonight!

A daughter should be protected by her dad until it's no longer possible to do so. When he walks her down the aisle and places her hand into the hand of her husband, the exchange should be more than tradition, it should be symbolic of what has truly occurred; she was cared for and protected by her dad, and now that duty passes to her husband. And while we're on the subject, may I say that the white dress should mean she's a virgin?- or would that upset too many people? Indeed, to raise a virgin daughter to adulthood, and give her away pure and undefiled to her husband is a lofty goal in the culture we live in, but guess what, we serve a God who has declared that with Him, "all things are possible."  

Nehemiah says that men are supposed to fight for their sons and daughters (Neh. 4:14), not give them to the enemy for his own pleasures. No age is mentioned in scripture when men are to stop doing this either. We can apply wisdom to this, and understand that not all families are in tact and walking with the LORD. We all know girls who, for one reason or another, don't have a dad to protect them, and to them I say, there's still a way. Maybe other Godly men in your family can oversee your affairs, or perhaps an Elder or Deacon at your church. I'm sure any Godly man would relish the opportunity to protect and invest in the life of a sister in Christ.

So go ahead, men, dream big for your daughters, don't settle for the low, sleezy standard that our culture says is normal. Get a vision for beautiful girlhood from scripture and take the steps necessary to see it come to fruition. They don't have to look like Miley, LiLo, JLo, Gaga, Britney, or Katy to be special, accepted, and loved; all they have to do is be who God made them, and not who culture hopes they become. 

Your girls should not fear growing up thinking that they'll have to move out, get a job, and make it on their own: they should grow up knowing that their dad will always provide a safe a place for them to live and grow, to prosper and mature, to learn and develop, and to be courted and wed. God has a plan for girls, and it isn't what we see all around us. Give your daughters to the LORD and see what He does with them. Don't give them to the wolves, because we all know what they'll do. Protect your girls...they'll be eternally grateful you did!

~Strength and Honor~

Blessed With 20 Years....

Twenty years ago today, on June 29, 1992, I had the honor of taking the lovely, Juneko Elizabeth Sass, as my lawfully wedded wife. We rode the bus in San Diego, CA., to the Wedding Bell Chapel in downtown San Diego, and at the wise old ages of 19 and 20 became one in the eyes of the Lord.

Since that time, I like to believe that we've learned a thing or two about life and one another, and about raising the eight wonderful children that the Lord has blessed us with. God has been better to me than I deserve, and I am forever grateful to Him for giving me such a wonderful and Godly helpmeet to call my wife.

Over the years I have failed miserably as a husband, but June's always forgiven me. She has been a living example of grace and forgiveness to me in more ways than I can express, and I thank her for being a living example of Matthew 16:19, "I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.” 


With June as my wife, I believe the darkest hours will turn brighter; I believe the saddest days will end with a smile; and I believe the next twenty years will be better than the previous.

Thank you, June, for saying YES I DO twenty years ago today when asked if you'll take me as your husband. It made me happy then, and it makes me happy now. I love you today more than ever, and I'm honored to call you my wife. Happy Anniversary!

A Companion of Fools

Three Fools of Carnival, Pieter Bruegel the Elder

"Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, 

but the companion of fools will suffer harm." 

-Proverbs 13:20

There is much wisdom in this Proverb, both for young and old alike. In my home, we talk regularly to our children about the company they keep, the books they read, and how they spend their time, because my wife and I both know the powerful influence these have on our lives. 

In high school, I was the proverbial "fool" that Christian parents would've wanted their little Johnny to stay away from, and had my hand in leading many a young person down the fool's road. I lacked wisdom and discretion in many areas of life, and enjoyed finding others who shared my views. It wasn't until the Lord's grace reached me and transformed my life by removing my heart of stone and implanting a heart of flesh, that I was able to finally see my folly; and folly is putting it mildly.

So what company are you keeping these days? Who do you enjoy spending your days off with, your free time with, and your internet time with? 

What about your children; what company are they keeping? 

Who do you believe in your heart, has the hearts of your children? 

Have they become "the companion of fools," or do they walk with the wise?

The Proverb says "whoever walks with the wise becomes wise," but what exactly does that mean?  To 'walk' with the wise is to willingly reject the fool's path. Walking with someone is a predetermined, cognitive act, that moves you in a certain direction. It isn't just 'knowing' the wise, or once in a while heading in the same direction as the wise; NO, it's much more intentional, much more decisive, much more engaging, and much more formative. It's doing life with the wise, and letting the wise shape your life.

A companion of fools is easy to spot. He's the guys who mopes around aimlessly in life while the wise move toward a vision of where they want to be. The fool is seldom called upon to accomplish anything because no one, except maybe his mother, believes he can do much of anything based on his track record. He's the guy who quits every job he has because he believes his boss is picking on him. The guy who refuses to join the military because he hears stories about how hard boot camp is and that he can't play video games there. The guy who's only looking for a date, not a wife, and only pursues girls who's dad isn't the protector he's called to be in her life. The fool thinks life should be easy, where as the wise understand the fall of man and the duty of man toward God to bring order out of chaos in a fallen world.

The fool says little in life of any substance. He holds no place of honor in the systems of government God has established for humanity to live and function under. He's the guy who says "let's eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we shall die." The wise "eat, drink and are merry" as well (1 Cor. 10:31), but for much different reasons. In 1 Corinthians 15: 33-34, Paul says, 

"Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” Wake up from your drunken stupor, as is right, and do not go on sinning. For some have no knowledge of God. I say this to your shame."

Are duty as men toward God is to pursue wisdom with all our heart. And our duty as fathers and parents is to raise sons and daughters who pursue wisdom with all their heart. The trumpet has sounded and the King awaits your service....

 "Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, 

 act like men, be strong."

-1 Corinthians 16:13

Fathers and Daughters Out for the Night!

On Monday, April 16, 2012, I had the honor of escorting my three beautiful daughters to a Father/Daughter banquet in Homer Glen, Il. that was hosted by Christian Heritage Church of Orland Park. This was the third year they've hosted it, and it just keeps getting better every year.

The guest speaker was, Todd Wilson, of Familyman Ministries. He spoke about what it takes to turn the hearts of fathers and daughters back to one another. His message was simple, straight forward, and touching.

The night began with a lovely five course meal, followed by some fun games where a handful of daughters had to help dad get ready for work and gift wrap their dads to show what a gift he was. Todd then spoke over dessert, and the night concluded with fathers and daughters having an opportunity to dance a waltz together, and as a group we danced the Gay Gordon and Virginia Reel.

All in all it was a fabulous evening, and one that every daughter should have the opportunity to experience with her dad. If nothing like this exists where you live, perhaps the men from your church could pull together and host one in your region.

To see more photos and read more about the event click here.

Here's a few more pics from the night!

We all fit at one table!

Friends and family (L-R) Herb, Vince, Me, Tony

Our table

Me showing everyone how to dance!

My daughter, Naomi!

Aerial shot of the banquet hall!

My friend, Herb being Gift wrapped by his daughters!

My daughter, Joy!

Me and my daughter, Janai, enjoying a waltz!

My friend, Tony, getting help from his daughters to go to work!

Don't Grow Weary...

An encouraging word to parents in our 3rd video blog. Happy Palm Sunday to everyone, and hope you all have a wonderful and safe Holy Week!

CAPTIVATED: Finding Freedom in A Media Captivated Culture

A few nights ago, my family gathered together for movie night, and watched a new movie that  came out a few months ago entitled Captivated: Finding Freedom in a Media Captive Culture. It was a blessing to watch and very informative. I know that it can be hard to find good quality movies to watch in your home, but this is one I highly recommend and will spark wonderful discussion with your children afterwards.  Here is a peek at the trailer:







The description:

Everywhere we go we are surrounded by screens. Have we entered a techno utopia or a virtual prison? Should we be unreservedly celebrating or cautiously analyzing? Has social media given us richer, fuller friendships, or have our relationships become robotized? What should we expect from the next generation, when the average American child has over fifty-three hours of screen time a week?

Discover answers to these questions and more from church leaders, media experts, and inspiring individuals and families from across America, and learn how God’s Word addresses the unique media challenges which our captivated culture must face.

One of the strongest points of this movie is that they had teenagers, dads, and women personally speak out about their addiction to media and how they overcame their circumstances. My children were impressed, encouraged and challenged by speakers such as Ray Comfort, Kevin Swanson, KP Yohannan, and other godly men in the movie. This is a wonderful movie for family movie night!

You can get this powerful movie here now on sale for 10% off. 

Or at Amazon HERE.

Also, my wife is trying to save people money when they purchase items from Vision Forum by using this coupon code. Check it out!
LAST DAY to save $15 off a $50 order at Vision Forum!

Raising Sons: Shaping Their Masculine Identity

In his book, Future Men, Douglas Wilson says, "Manhood is where boyhood should be aimed." With this in mind, I'd like to start my series about Raising Sons with a look at shaping our sons masculine identity.

Our boys should be brought up with a different mindset than our daughters; they should see themselves as soldiers for Jesus Christ, ready to fight the Lord's battles when needed, and ready to give their lives for the kingdom if called to do so. This won't happen by chance. If you let culture raise your boys, and you're hoping for good results, you might be waiting a loooong time. For a boy to grow up seeing himself as a Godly, masculine, soldier for the Lord, he's going to need help - he's going to need training.

Direct VI. by Richard Baxter

Direct. VI

The husband must be the principal teacher of the family. He must instruct them, and examine them, and rule them about matters of God, as well as his own service, and see that the Lord’s day and worship be observed by all that are within his gates. And therefore he must labor for such understanding and ability as is necessary hereunto. And if he be unable or negligent, it is his sin and will be his shame. If the wife be wiser and abler, and it be cast upon her, it is his dishonor; but if neither of them do it, the sin, and shame, and suffering, will be common to them both.
Excerpted from Chapter VIII. of this English Puritan’s manual on family life, “Christian Economics,” found in his book A Christian Directory which was first printed in 1673 and reprinted by Soli Deo Gloria in 1990.

Direct V. by Richard Baxter

Direct. V

The husband is to excel the wife in knowledge, and be her teacher in the matters that belong to salvation. He must instruct her in the word of God, and direct her in particular duties, and help her to subdue her own corruptions, and labor to confirm her against temptations; if she doubt of any thing that he can resolve her in, she is to ask his resolution, and he to open to her at home the things which she understood not in the congregation, 1 Cor. xiv. 35. But if the husband be indeed an ignorant sot, or have made himself unable to instruct his wife, she is not bound to ask him in vain, to teach her that which he understands not himself. Those husbands that despise the word of God, and live in willful ignorance, do not only despise their own souls, but their families also; and making themselves unable for their duties, they are usually themselves despised by their inferiors: for God hath told such in his message to Eli, 1 Sam. ii. 30, “Them that honor me, I will honor; and they that despise me shall be lightly esteemed.”

Excerpted from Chapter VIII. of this English Puritan’s manual on family life, “Christian Economics,” found in his book A Christian Directory which was first printed in 1673 and reprinted by Soli Deo Gloria in 1990.

Dircect IV. by Richard Baxter

Direct. IV

Also you must preserve the honor as well as the authority of your wives. If they have any dishonorable infirmities, they are not to be mentioned by children and servants. As in the natural body we cover most carefully the most dishonorable parts, (for our comely parts have no need.) 1 Cor. xii. 23, 24, so must it be here. Children or servants must not be suffered to carry themselves contemptuously or rudely towards them, nor to despise them, or speak unmannerly, proud, or disdainful words to them. The husband must vindicate them from all such injury and contempt.
(Excerpted from Chapter VIII. of this English Puritan’s manual on family life, “Christian Economics,” found in his book A Christian Directory which was first printed in 1673 and reprinted by Soli Deo Gloria in 1990.)

Direct III. by Richard Baxter

Direct. III

It is the duty of husbands to preserve the authority of their wives, over the children and servants of the family. For they are joint governors with them over all the inferiors. And the infirmities of women are apt many times to expose them to contempt: so that servants and children will be apt to slight them, and disobey them, if the husband interpose not to preserve their honor and authority. Yet this must be done with cautions as these: 1. Justify not any error, vice, or weakness of your wives. They may be concealed or excused as far as may be, but never owned or defended. 2. Urge not obedience to any unlawful of theirs. No one hath authority to contradict the law of God, or disoblige any form of his government. You will but diminish your own authority with persons of any understanding, if you justify any thing that is against God’s authority. But if the thing commanded be lawful, though it may have some inconveniences, you must rebuke the disobedience of inferiors, and not suffer them to slight the commands of your wives, nor to set their own reason and wills against them, and say, We will not do it. How can they help you in government, if you suffer them to be disobeyed?


(Excerpted from Chapter VIII. of this English Puritan’s manual on family life, “Christian Economics,” found in his book A Christian Directory which was first printed in 1673 and reprinted by Soli Deo Gloria in 1990.)

Direct II. by Richard Baxter

Direct. II

The husband must so unite authority and love, that neither of them be omitted or concealed, but both be exercised and maintained. Love must not be exercised so imprudently as to destroy the exercise of authority; and authority must not be exercised over a wife so magisterially and imperiously, as to destroy the exercise of love. As your love must be a governing love, so your commands must all be loving commands. Lose not your authority; for that will but disable you from doing the office of a husband to your wife, or of a master to your servants. Yet must it be maintained by no means inconsistent with conjugal love; and therefore not by fierceness or cruelty, by threats or stripes (unless by distraction or loss of reason, the cease to be capable of the carriage otherwise due to a wife). There are many cases of equality in which authority is not to be exercised; but there is no case of inequality or unworthiness so great, in which conjugal love is not to be exercised; and therefore nothing must exclude it.

(Excerpted from Chapter VIII. of this English Puritan’s manual on family life, “Christian Economics,” found in his book A Christian Directory which was first printed in 1673 and reprinted by Soli Deo Gloria in 1990.)

Direct I. by Richard Baxter

Direct I.

The husband must undertake the principal part of the government of the whole family, even of the wife herself. And therefore, I. He must labor to be fit and able for that government which he undertakes. This ability consists, 1. In holiness and spiritual wisdom, that he may be acquainted with the end to which he is to conduct them, and the rule by which he is to guide them, and the principal works which they are to do. An ungodly, irreligious man is both a stranger and an enemy to the chief part of family government. 2. His ability consists in a due acquaintance with the works of his calling, and the labors in which his servants are to be employed. For he that is utterly unacquainted with their business, will be very unfit to govern them in it: unless he commit that part of their government to his wife, or a steward that is acquainted with it. 3. And he must be acquainted both with the common temper and infirmities of mankind, that he may know how much is to be borne with, and also with the particular temper, and faults, and virtues of those whom he is to govern. 4. And he must have prudence, to direct himself in all his carriage to them; and justice, to deal with everyone as they deserve; and love, to do them all the good he can, for soul and body. II. And being thus able, he must make it his daily work, and especially be sure to govern himself well, that his example may be part of his government of others.


(Excerpted from Chapter VIII. of this English Puritan’s manual on family life, “Christian Economics,” found in his book A Christian Directory which was first printed in 1673 and reprinted by Soli Deo Gloria in 1990.)

The Decline of the Nuclear Family

Here's a nice piece on the decline of the traditional (or should I say, Biblical) family, taken from The Resurgence blog, and written by Nick Bogardus.

At the end of article are some links to sermons that every Christian should listen to.

Enjoy!

A Massive Culture Shift

There is a massive shift happening right now in our culture. The ink and pixels that have spilled on the change are markedly hopeless and without answers. To see the tip of the iceberg, we only need to look at the LA Times from last month. The nuclear family is now the minority of households in California.
“New census figures show that the percentage of Californians who live in “nuclear family” households - a married man and a woman raising their children - has dropped again for the last decade, to 23.4% of all households. That represents a 10% decline in 10 years, measured as a percentage of the state’s households.
Those households, the Times analysis shows, are being supplanted by a striking spectrum of postmodern living arrangements: same-sex households, unmarried opposite-sex partners, married couples who have no children…new sorts of households - blended families; bands of middle-class singles who live and vacation together; families that were once called “broken” - are increasingly the standard.” LA Times, US Census Data Show California Families Changing, June 22, 2011

Actors in Limbo

What it means to be a family is being re-defined, largely by a tectonic shift in gender roles. In the Wall Street Journal, Kay Hymotitz argued that because women are moving ahead more quickly and in greater numbers in our advanced knowledge economy, that husbands and fathers are now optional. This, she says, has created a situation in which today’s pre-adult male is like an actor in a drama in which he only knows what he shouldn’t say, and in which most men in their 20s hang out in a "novel sort of limbo, a hybrid state of semi-hormonal adolescence and responsible self-reliance."

"Perhaps the things that really need redeeming are the church’s lack of a voice in what it means to be a man or woman."

Untethered, Lost, Mute, and Passive

In Hanna Rosin's article in the The Atlantic entitled “The End of Men,” she paints a nearly identical picture of the alpha-female dominating mute and passive males. “He can be sweet, bitter, nostalgic, or cynical, but he cannot figure out how to be a man. 'We call each other man,’ says Ben Stiller’s character in Greenberg, 'but it’s a joke. It’s like imitating other people.'”
The New York Times described this new "emerging adulthood" as a block box where 20-somethings delay reaching adulthood, often until their 30s.

The traditional cycle seems to have gone off course, as young people remain untethered to romantic partners or to permanent homes, going back to school for lack of better options, traveling, avoiding commitments, competing ferociously for unpaid internships or temporary (and often grueling) Teach for America jobs, forestalling the beginning of adult life.

Don't Focus Just on the External

Of course that is true in the church, only you can replace the Teach for America jobs with short-term missions trips. For all of the time and energy spent on “redeeming the arts”, “redeeming cities”, and everything else we want to attach the word "redeem" to, perhaps the things that really need redeeming are the church’s lack of a voice in what it means to be a man or woman. Exerting so much effort on people’s activities is only addressing externals, symptoms. Chances are if a guy can be a man who loves Jesus, reads his Bible, gets a job, leaves his parent’s house, and loves one woman, then he will also be effective wherever God has called him, be that the arts or in business.
One important thing that needs to be pointed out about this cultural shift described in the articles above is that it is turning us into autonomous individuals. Mrs. Hymotitz even went so far as to say that husbands and fathers are optional in this new economic paradigm. While we might bandage the need for relationship with loosely-defined friendships, these float on the surface of lives marked by selfishly avoiding commitments, being untethered to romantic partners, or permanent homes.

"Perhaps the most loving, most prophetic thing the church can do is to call men in their 20s to love Jesus, read their Bibles, get a job, to leave their parent’s house, and to love one woman."

Biblical Manhood and Womanhood

In the face of the confusion, hopelessness, and lack of any answers from our culture, one of the most radical things the church can call Christians to is back to God’s design for men and women. Men and women were created to cultivate and steward God’s creation—to rule over it as his representatives. But what is often underemphasized is that we were created to do that together. God made men and women in complementary ways to reflect his trinitarian nature, his covenantal love in marriage, and his authority and submission in the church. This ultimately points toward the unity that will exist when Jesus comes back for the bride he loves. All of this is his love towards us.

The Call

Perhaps the most loving, most prophetic thing the church can do is to call men in their 20s to love Jesus, read their Bibles, get a job, to leave their parent’s house, and to love one woman—according to the Wall Street Journal, The Atlantic, and the New York Times, no one is doing that.

Again, take the time to listen to these sermons. They were foundational to the life change that occurred in my life when they were first preached, it took me hours to download them on my 'dial-up' connection.

Women and Femininity by Mark Driscoll


Men and Masculinity by Mark Driscoll


Celebrating Children by Mark Driscoll


For a list of good books on the subjects discussed, click here to view my resource page!

The Essence of Feminine Godliness

I was given the blessed opportunity to guest post at Far Above Rubies: a blog that promotes and defends Biblical Womanhood. Thanks to my friend, Jasmine, for allowing me to share with her readers.

Click here to read my post on 'The Essence of Feminine Godliness!'

Jurisdictional Authority

God has set jurisdictional boundaries in all areas of life; whether it's at work, home, church, or in the neighborhood, we must understand and respect the the jurisdictions that exist within our lives. You might be wondering what I mean by 'Jurisdictional Authority,' so let me give you a brief description that might help you gain a better understanding of what many have failed to grasp.

Jurisdictional authority simply means that there are areas of life you have no authority in, and if you try having authority there, you'll quickly find yourself face-to-face with those who actually do have authority in that area, and in opposition to God's established structure. For instance; at work you have no authority over your peers, but your supervisor does. If you try telling your peers what to do, they'll resist you and you'll soon be standing at attention in the bosses office. Or at church, you might try disciplining another member of the church for sin, but might not be in a position of Elder or Deacon, and the actual Elders and Deacons might come down on you for over-stepping your boundaries.

Speak to the Parents, not the Child
Another area that we must understand and respect jurisdictional authority in is the area of family. If you're not the parent, know your limitations. You may have wonderful ideas for what someone's child should be doing with their life, talents, and treasures, but to try and persuade that child to do it without speaking to their parents first is not acceptable. The age of the child does have some bearing on when it's appropriate to speak to them without having spoken to the parents however. If the child is in their twenties, that's one thing, but if they're still teens or younger, that's another entirely. The bible says nothing about 'your 18 now, you're an adult.'

As well, I believe gender plays a role in deciding when it's appropriate to approach a child with your plans for them without having spoken to the parents. I believe if a daughter is living at home, she is under her father's covenant headship, and the proper way to address the daughter with significant plans like where to work, go to church, who to court, etc., should absolutely be brought to the parents attention first, and especially the father who God has placed over that daughter until she's  married.

With sons, it's a little different. Boys should be groomed to be Priests, Prophets, Providers and Protectors, and because of this, should be given more opportunity to choose the right path for themselves in their early twenties even if they're living at home. They don't need a father's protection in the same way a daughter does, so their releasing, if you will, from the father's covenant protection should come about sooner rather than later. To protect a boy for too long will thwart his spiritual growth and leave him in a state of arrested development as a leader.

Know Your Own Authority
Jurisdictional authority exists because God put it in place. Know your boundaries and respect those who have God given authority where you have none. As well, know your authority and use it to guide and direct the affairs of your life with grace and wisdom.

Let me know what you think on the subject, and whether you agree or disagree, and why. I'd love to dialogue on the matter. Grace and Peace!

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