A Safe Place To Be

I hate hearing of men who refuse to protect their daughters-who won't stand up or speak up when the wolves come looking for food. Since when was 18 the age that girls needed to defend themselves; to provide for themselves; or to make it by themselves? I don't find that in the Bible, so I'm left to assume that someone, in years past, declared this, and the masses who were...(better not say it) followed suit.

The LORD has blessed me with three of the most beautiful girls any man could hope to marry, and I'll tell the world- without hesitation- that my girls have a safe place to live until the day I give them away in marriage. I love them, and when you love something, you protect it. How many men wouldn't even leave their xbox out in the rain, but would have no problem leaving their daughters out in the world unprotected, unprepared, and unloved. Oh, but, "I do love my daughter," they'll say, and I say, "nonsense," you love your freedom and extra money more than you love your daughter, and that's why the wolves are well fed tonight!

A daughter should be protected by her dad until it's no longer possible to do so. When he walks her down the aisle and places her hand into the hand of her husband, the exchange should be more than tradition, it should be symbolic of what has truly occurred; she was cared for and protected by her dad, and now that duty passes to her husband. And while we're on the subject, may I say that the white dress should mean she's a virgin?- or would that upset too many people? Indeed, to raise a virgin daughter to adulthood, and give her away pure and undefiled to her husband is a lofty goal in the culture we live in, but guess what, we serve a God who has declared that with Him, "all things are possible."  

Nehemiah says that men are supposed to fight for their sons and daughters (Neh. 4:14), not give them to the enemy for his own pleasures. No age is mentioned in scripture when men are to stop doing this either. We can apply wisdom to this, and understand that not all families are in tact and walking with the LORD. We all know girls who, for one reason or another, don't have a dad to protect them, and to them I say, there's still a way. Maybe other Godly men in your family can oversee your affairs, or perhaps an Elder or Deacon at your church. I'm sure any Godly man would relish the opportunity to protect and invest in the life of a sister in Christ.

So go ahead, men, dream big for your daughters, don't settle for the low, sleezy standard that our culture says is normal. Get a vision for beautiful girlhood from scripture and take the steps necessary to see it come to fruition. They don't have to look like Miley, LiLo, JLo, Gaga, Britney, or Katy to be special, accepted, and loved; all they have to do is be who God made them, and not who culture hopes they become. 

Your girls should not fear growing up thinking that they'll have to move out, get a job, and make it on their own: they should grow up knowing that their dad will always provide a safe a place for them to live and grow, to prosper and mature, to learn and develop, and to be courted and wed. God has a plan for girls, and it isn't what we see all around us. Give your daughters to the LORD and see what He does with them. Don't give them to the wolves, because we all know what they'll do. Protect your girls...they'll be eternally grateful you did!

~Strength and Honor~

A Companion of Fools

Three Fools of Carnival, Pieter Bruegel the Elder

"Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, 

but the companion of fools will suffer harm." 

-Proverbs 13:20

There is much wisdom in this Proverb, both for young and old alike. In my home, we talk regularly to our children about the company they keep, the books they read, and how they spend their time, because my wife and I both know the powerful influence these have on our lives. 

In high school, I was the proverbial "fool" that Christian parents would've wanted their little Johnny to stay away from, and had my hand in leading many a young person down the fool's road. I lacked wisdom and discretion in many areas of life, and enjoyed finding others who shared my views. It wasn't until the Lord's grace reached me and transformed my life by removing my heart of stone and implanting a heart of flesh, that I was able to finally see my folly; and folly is putting it mildly.

So what company are you keeping these days? Who do you enjoy spending your days off with, your free time with, and your internet time with? 

What about your children; what company are they keeping? 

Who do you believe in your heart, has the hearts of your children? 

Have they become "the companion of fools," or do they walk with the wise?

The Proverb says "whoever walks with the wise becomes wise," but what exactly does that mean?  To 'walk' with the wise is to willingly reject the fool's path. Walking with someone is a predetermined, cognitive act, that moves you in a certain direction. It isn't just 'knowing' the wise, or once in a while heading in the same direction as the wise; NO, it's much more intentional, much more decisive, much more engaging, and much more formative. It's doing life with the wise, and letting the wise shape your life.

A companion of fools is easy to spot. He's the guys who mopes around aimlessly in life while the wise move toward a vision of where they want to be. The fool is seldom called upon to accomplish anything because no one, except maybe his mother, believes he can do much of anything based on his track record. He's the guy who quits every job he has because he believes his boss is picking on him. The guy who refuses to join the military because he hears stories about how hard boot camp is and that he can't play video games there. The guy who's only looking for a date, not a wife, and only pursues girls who's dad isn't the protector he's called to be in her life. The fool thinks life should be easy, where as the wise understand the fall of man and the duty of man toward God to bring order out of chaos in a fallen world.

The fool says little in life of any substance. He holds no place of honor in the systems of government God has established for humanity to live and function under. He's the guy who says "let's eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we shall die." The wise "eat, drink and are merry" as well (1 Cor. 10:31), but for much different reasons. In 1 Corinthians 15: 33-34, Paul says, 

"Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” Wake up from your drunken stupor, as is right, and do not go on sinning. For some have no knowledge of God. I say this to your shame."

Are duty as men toward God is to pursue wisdom with all our heart. And our duty as fathers and parents is to raise sons and daughters who pursue wisdom with all their heart. The trumpet has sounded and the King awaits your service....

 "Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, 

 act like men, be strong."

-1 Corinthians 16:13

Fathers and Daughters Out for the Night!

On Monday, April 16, 2012, I had the honor of escorting my three beautiful daughters to a Father/Daughter banquet in Homer Glen, Il. that was hosted by Christian Heritage Church of Orland Park. This was the third year they've hosted it, and it just keeps getting better every year.

The guest speaker was, Todd Wilson, of Familyman Ministries. He spoke about what it takes to turn the hearts of fathers and daughters back to one another. His message was simple, straight forward, and touching.

The night began with a lovely five course meal, followed by some fun games where a handful of daughters had to help dad get ready for work and gift wrap their dads to show what a gift he was. Todd then spoke over dessert, and the night concluded with fathers and daughters having an opportunity to dance a waltz together, and as a group we danced the Gay Gordon and Virginia Reel.

All in all it was a fabulous evening, and one that every daughter should have the opportunity to experience with her dad. If nothing like this exists where you live, perhaps the men from your church could pull together and host one in your region.

To see more photos and read more about the event click here.

Here's a few more pics from the night!

We all fit at one table!

Friends and family (L-R) Herb, Vince, Me, Tony

Our table

Me showing everyone how to dance!

My daughter, Naomi!

Aerial shot of the banquet hall!

My friend, Herb being Gift wrapped by his daughters!

My daughter, Joy!

Me and my daughter, Janai, enjoying a waltz!

My friend, Tony, getting help from his daughters to go to work!

Don't Grow Weary...

An encouraging word to parents in our 3rd video blog. Happy Palm Sunday to everyone, and hope you all have a wonderful and safe Holy Week!

The Male Domain's YouTube Channel

I've been wanting to Vlog for quite some time, and finally made my desires a reality. (For those unfamiliar, the word 'Vlog' is short or 'Video Log' just like 'Blog' is short for 'Web Log.) I posted my Inaugural Vlog recently and hope to post up a Vlog about once a week or so.

My first one is an introductory post and is a bit longer than I wanted, and will be sure to shorten them in the future. I hope to Vlog about various topics and will be looking for ideas to tackle from you, my readers. So if you have some thoughts on topics, let me know.

You can subscribe to our YouTube channel and will get new videos as they get released, by visiting us at The Male Domain's YouTube Channel. Thanks, you all, and be blessed!

PS --There's a little box in bottom right hand corner of our side bar that will show our newest video postings as well!

The Result of NOT Fathering Your Sons

6 year old, Aliyah Shell, pictured above.

This past weekend saw 49 people get shot, with 10 fatalities, in the city of Chicago, where I grew up. One of the victims who died was a 6 year old little girl named, Aliyah Shell, who was shot while sitting with her mother on the front porch of their home, as her mom brushed her hair while they prepared to attend a birthday party on a warm, sunny afternoon.

Read the article here.

The reason this post is entitled, "The Result of NOT Fathering Your Sons," is because these shootings, as with most violent crimes, were perpetrated by young men with no fear of God, and no measure of self control, which fathers, like myself, are commanded to instill in their sons when they're growing up. When boys are allowed to grow up without men teaching them what manhood is all about, we end up with weekends like this one. The two young men who shot and KILLED this innocent little girl are 18 and 16 years old, who's lives are now forever changed, like Aliyah's.

I have a hard time believing that these two young men have hard working fathers who spend lots of time with them living at home. If that turns out to be the case, I will be very surprised. More often than not, young men who commit crimes like this are being raised by single moms, who are doing what they can to pay the bills and keep food on the table, while the men who fathered the boys, are out doing their own thing. I grew up in Chicago's Logan Square neighborhood, so I know what I'm talking about. But not for the grace of God, I would have been one these young men.

Having said that, I really wouldn't have a problem with the fathers of young men who commit crimes like this being held responsible in some fashion. True, the fathers didn't pull the trigger of the gun that killed Aliyah, but neither did they train the hearts of the boys who did, and for that, I say, hold them responsible.

Now the Chicago Police Department is scrambling as they look for ways to combat violent crime in Chicago, so that the citizens there can feel safe, when the only answer needed is found in the world's most bought and read book in human history, the Bible. One verse we can start with is Ephesians 6:4, which reads;

"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

Or how about Psalm 78:5, which says,

 "He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children,"

 And if we're man enough to read on, Deuteronomy 21: 18-21 says this to fathers of rebellious sons:

If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and, though they discipline him, will not listen to them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of the place where he lives, and they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This our son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ Then all the men of the city shall stone him to death with stones. So you shall purge the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

Now, will sin reign in the hearts of some sons, even though they've been brought up and disciplined by Godly men, yes...

Are men responsible for their own actions in the sight of the LORD, yes...

Can the violence we see in our culture being thrust upon society, in large part, by men, be GREATLY reduced, yes it can...

This little girl didn't have to die in the arms of her mother, who had dreams and goals for her little gift from God, the way that she did. The two young men who killed Aliyah will pay for their crime, in this life and the next, apart from faith in Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of their sin, and as a society, we long for justice. But what about their fathers? Are they around? Are they alive? Do they even know what their sons did???

In Revelation 21:5, Jesus said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” And to that, I say, Amen.

As men, we must embrace our roles in society and do our duty to the LORD. He has commanded us to disciple our children, to love our wives, and to work hard. With a quick glance at culture, it doesn't take long to see how men have completely abandoned what they were created for, and wear their refusal to be a man as a badge of honor. LORD help us.

As you go through your day, keep Aliyah's family in your prayers, as well as the city of Chicago. I have family that live there, know men ministering there, and believe God can do amazing things there.

May every man do his duty...

---------------------------------------------------

**If you're able to help with the $8,000.00 funeral cost, please visit my wife's blog where she's collecting money to give to the family. This little girl was best friends with my friends young daughter in kindergarten, so this story is very disturbing on several fronts. If you can't help financially, please pray as you remember to. Thanks, and God Bless...

My "10 for 10" Challenge!

I haven't written about it, but I've been on a juice fast for the past 46 days, and plan on doing 60. I started out with 30 days in mind, but around 24 days into it, I decided to watch the documentary, "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead" on Netflix, and was motivated to go for 60. If you have Netflix, I HIGHLY recommend you watch that movie. It's tremendous!

So far I've lost about 55 pounds, went from 48-44 on my pant waist, and feel great. I have a lot more energy throughout the day and haven't felt this agile in a long time. My 10 year old son, Ravi, saw me come out the bathroom with no shirt and said I have a "six pack." He may need glasses, but I'll take it!

So, about my "10 for 10" challenge. I'm looking for 10 people to join me on my journey to good health and do a 10 day juice fast with me. The dates are from February 20 - March 1. These are the last 10 days of my 60 day fast, and would love to end my journey with you partnering with me. We can all break our fasts together on the morning of March 1st!

If you've  never fasted before, visit the website, Reboot Your Life, which was founded by the creator of the documentary mentioned above. There's loads of great information for you to read and learn more about fasting and moving toward better health.

So whether you're a seasoned faster, or first timer, would you please consider joining me on this journey. The Lord describes us as 'mind, body, soul and spirit' and I believe He desires for all these areas to be as healthy as possible. Let me know if you're in via an email, or 'Friend' me on Facebook. God Bless and Juice On!

Here's the trailer for the documentary, "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead," which can be seen on Netflix, or rented on Amazon for $2.99!

The Essence of Masculinity

Raising Sons: Shaping Their Masculine Identity

In his book, Future Men, Douglas Wilson says, "Manhood is where boyhood should be aimed." With this in mind, I'd like to start my series about Raising Sons with a look at shaping our sons masculine identity.

Our boys should be brought up with a different mindset than our daughters; they should see themselves as soldiers for Jesus Christ, ready to fight the Lord's battles when needed, and ready to give their lives for the kingdom if called to do so. This won't happen by chance. If you let culture raise your boys, and you're hoping for good results, you might be waiting a loooong time. For a boy to grow up seeing himself as a Godly, masculine, soldier for the Lord, he's going to need help - he's going to need training.

Wilson, Driscoll Interview on Masculinity

If I had to point to two men I learned most of what I know about "Biblical' Masculinty, it would definitely be the two men in this interview: Douglas Wilson, and Mark Driscoll. Doug's books, and Driscoll's sermons were a fantastic one-two punch back in the day when the Lord started moving my heart toward Him and toward my family. I was excited to see these two Titans sharing the stage recently at Wilson's church for a conference they hosted. Do yourself a favor and take the time to learn from these Men!

Doug Wilson Interviews Mark Driscoll (Part 1) | Men & Masculinity from Canon Wired on Vimeo.

The Decline of the Nuclear Family

Here's a nice piece on the decline of the traditional (or should I say, Biblical) family, taken from The Resurgence blog, and written by Nick Bogardus.

At the end of article are some links to sermons that every Christian should listen to.

Enjoy!

A Massive Culture Shift

There is a massive shift happening right now in our culture. The ink and pixels that have spilled on the change are markedly hopeless and without answers. To see the tip of the iceberg, we only need to look at the LA Times from last month. The nuclear family is now the minority of households in California.
“New census figures show that the percentage of Californians who live in “nuclear family” households - a married man and a woman raising their children - has dropped again for the last decade, to 23.4% of all households. That represents a 10% decline in 10 years, measured as a percentage of the state’s households.
Those households, the Times analysis shows, are being supplanted by a striking spectrum of postmodern living arrangements: same-sex households, unmarried opposite-sex partners, married couples who have no children…new sorts of households - blended families; bands of middle-class singles who live and vacation together; families that were once called “broken” - are increasingly the standard.” LA Times, US Census Data Show California Families Changing, June 22, 2011

Actors in Limbo

What it means to be a family is being re-defined, largely by a tectonic shift in gender roles. In the Wall Street Journal, Kay Hymotitz argued that because women are moving ahead more quickly and in greater numbers in our advanced knowledge economy, that husbands and fathers are now optional. This, she says, has created a situation in which today’s pre-adult male is like an actor in a drama in which he only knows what he shouldn’t say, and in which most men in their 20s hang out in a "novel sort of limbo, a hybrid state of semi-hormonal adolescence and responsible self-reliance."

"Perhaps the things that really need redeeming are the church’s lack of a voice in what it means to be a man or woman."

Untethered, Lost, Mute, and Passive

In Hanna Rosin's article in the The Atlantic entitled “The End of Men,” she paints a nearly identical picture of the alpha-female dominating mute and passive males. “He can be sweet, bitter, nostalgic, or cynical, but he cannot figure out how to be a man. 'We call each other man,’ says Ben Stiller’s character in Greenberg, 'but it’s a joke. It’s like imitating other people.'”
The New York Times described this new "emerging adulthood" as a block box where 20-somethings delay reaching adulthood, often until their 30s.

The traditional cycle seems to have gone off course, as young people remain untethered to romantic partners or to permanent homes, going back to school for lack of better options, traveling, avoiding commitments, competing ferociously for unpaid internships or temporary (and often grueling) Teach for America jobs, forestalling the beginning of adult life.

Don't Focus Just on the External

Of course that is true in the church, only you can replace the Teach for America jobs with short-term missions trips. For all of the time and energy spent on “redeeming the arts”, “redeeming cities”, and everything else we want to attach the word "redeem" to, perhaps the things that really need redeeming are the church’s lack of a voice in what it means to be a man or woman. Exerting so much effort on people’s activities is only addressing externals, symptoms. Chances are if a guy can be a man who loves Jesus, reads his Bible, gets a job, leaves his parent’s house, and loves one woman, then he will also be effective wherever God has called him, be that the arts or in business.
One important thing that needs to be pointed out about this cultural shift described in the articles above is that it is turning us into autonomous individuals. Mrs. Hymotitz even went so far as to say that husbands and fathers are optional in this new economic paradigm. While we might bandage the need for relationship with loosely-defined friendships, these float on the surface of lives marked by selfishly avoiding commitments, being untethered to romantic partners, or permanent homes.

"Perhaps the most loving, most prophetic thing the church can do is to call men in their 20s to love Jesus, read their Bibles, get a job, to leave their parent’s house, and to love one woman."

Biblical Manhood and Womanhood

In the face of the confusion, hopelessness, and lack of any answers from our culture, one of the most radical things the church can call Christians to is back to God’s design for men and women. Men and women were created to cultivate and steward God’s creation—to rule over it as his representatives. But what is often underemphasized is that we were created to do that together. God made men and women in complementary ways to reflect his trinitarian nature, his covenantal love in marriage, and his authority and submission in the church. This ultimately points toward the unity that will exist when Jesus comes back for the bride he loves. All of this is his love towards us.

The Call

Perhaps the most loving, most prophetic thing the church can do is to call men in their 20s to love Jesus, read their Bibles, get a job, to leave their parent’s house, and to love one woman—according to the Wall Street Journal, The Atlantic, and the New York Times, no one is doing that.

Again, take the time to listen to these sermons. They were foundational to the life change that occurred in my life when they were first preached, it took me hours to download them on my 'dial-up' connection.

Women and Femininity by Mark Driscoll


Men and Masculinity by Mark Driscoll


Celebrating Children by Mark Driscoll


For a list of good books on the subjects discussed, click here to view my resource page!

Jurisdictional Authority

God has set jurisdictional boundaries in all areas of life; whether it's at work, home, church, or in the neighborhood, we must understand and respect the the jurisdictions that exist within our lives. You might be wondering what I mean by 'Jurisdictional Authority,' so let me give you a brief description that might help you gain a better understanding of what many have failed to grasp.

Jurisdictional authority simply means that there are areas of life you have no authority in, and if you try having authority there, you'll quickly find yourself face-to-face with those who actually do have authority in that area, and in opposition to God's established structure. For instance; at work you have no authority over your peers, but your supervisor does. If you try telling your peers what to do, they'll resist you and you'll soon be standing at attention in the bosses office. Or at church, you might try disciplining another member of the church for sin, but might not be in a position of Elder or Deacon, and the actual Elders and Deacons might come down on you for over-stepping your boundaries.

Speak to the Parents, not the Child
Another area that we must understand and respect jurisdictional authority in is the area of family. If you're not the parent, know your limitations. You may have wonderful ideas for what someone's child should be doing with their life, talents, and treasures, but to try and persuade that child to do it without speaking to their parents first is not acceptable. The age of the child does have some bearing on when it's appropriate to speak to them without having spoken to the parents however. If the child is in their twenties, that's one thing, but if they're still teens or younger, that's another entirely. The bible says nothing about 'your 18 now, you're an adult.'

As well, I believe gender plays a role in deciding when it's appropriate to approach a child with your plans for them without having spoken to the parents. I believe if a daughter is living at home, she is under her father's covenant headship, and the proper way to address the daughter with significant plans like where to work, go to church, who to court, etc., should absolutely be brought to the parents attention first, and especially the father who God has placed over that daughter until she's  married.

With sons, it's a little different. Boys should be groomed to be Priests, Prophets, Providers and Protectors, and because of this, should be given more opportunity to choose the right path for themselves in their early twenties even if they're living at home. They don't need a father's protection in the same way a daughter does, so their releasing, if you will, from the father's covenant protection should come about sooner rather than later. To protect a boy for too long will thwart his spiritual growth and leave him in a state of arrested development as a leader.

Know Your Own Authority
Jurisdictional authority exists because God put it in place. Know your boundaries and respect those who have God given authority where you have none. As well, know your authority and use it to guide and direct the affairs of your life with grace and wisdom.

Let me know what you think on the subject, and whether you agree or disagree, and why. I'd love to dialogue on the matter. Grace and Peace!

Recommended Reading:

 

 

A Champion Among Us

 

Here's a great word from my good friend, Herb Devine, to encourage and celebrate the gift of being a Dad!

There's a champion in disguise among us.....it is likely this champion is not obvious to you. His deeds are courageous and life changing for those to whom he gives his life. He is disguised as a father. His humble cloak conceals his greatness, yet his deeds,in all likelihood, will form the character of the next generation.

His deeds include wiping noses and changing diapers, teaching his boys to work and his girls to guard their dignity. His job description includes providing a wall of protection, to guard his children's hearts; yet he must lead them to greater challenges--which at times seems more than they can bear, with in mind, the day will come in which he will not be there. This unnoticed hero is doing the vital work of instilling virtue, honor, and courage deep within the hearts of those who look to him for guidance. Their minds recall his praise, his encouragement, his challenge, and his correction for decades.

He must be in disguise because if the strength of his influence captured the public eye, they might tempt him away from his duty to his children for less noble endeavors. Giving all his strength and crying out for more, he does the arduous, often overlooked task, of being a dad. He may not receive the praise of a speech well given, a corporation built, or wealth accumulated--he may not receive our notice for his great physique, golf course tan or the sports car in his garage--but he is still a champion. He is a father. Without him, our culture will fall.

Best Wishes on this Father's Day!

Thanks, Herb!

Good reads on the subject include:

The 5 Switches of Manliness: Physicality

This post is a good read for Men. It's from the website; The Art of Manliness, and has some good information for men on avoiding the sedentary life that so many of us live. Click here for the article!

New Resource Page for The Male Domain

 

I've put together some resources that have been a tremendous blessing to myself, and my wife as well.

They're a compilation of books and DVD's that will help you gain a greater vision

for your home based on Biblical precepts, as well as some good books on Theology in general.

So take a few minutes, browse, consider, and attain them for your home!

Click this link to visit: The Male Domain Resources

Thanks, and God Bless!!!

Raising Sons: Church and Worship

 

 "When men go to church simply to sit in the back, 

they are teaching their boys to do exactly the same, if that."

-Douglas Wilson, Future Men

Our boys must be taught What to worship, Who to worship, and How to worship. They aren't born knowing how to worship God; in fact, it's more natural for them to worship food, laziness, and sports, than it is for them to worship Jesus Christ. And as they get older their appetites for the above mentioned categories only intensifies, and at a certain age (around puberty) another desire is awakened, but that shall wait for another time!

Tools for Raising Sons

A simple list of tools useful for raising boys:

• Good Bible
• Good food
• Good football
• Good baseball
• Good basketball
• A park

The Making of A Godly Man

A few days ago, while reading through some Psalms, I was gripped by David's descriptive language of a Godly person in Psalm 15. The clarity and profundity stood out like a diamond on black velvet. For those who wish to walk in a manner worthy of their calling, only complete surrender to David's words will do.

"Little Boy Larry" Is Not a Member of The Male Domain

Been Kinda Busy Lately...

If it seems like it's been a while since I posted - it has. Between the Chicago Blizzard last week that had me putting in lots of extra hours at work while still trying to spend time with a large family, blogging many times has to take a back seat.