How To Take a Wife: Random Thoughts from a Simple Guy

As a father of nine wonderful children, marriage is talked about, read about, and thought about often in my home. Through the years, the LORD has laid upon my heart a blueprint that I hope will help my children all get married in due time. The process will look different for my sons and my daughters, yet, there will be some overlap in how both groups go about getting married, should the LORD allow.

In this post, I'll jot down a few thoughts I have on how my sons, and young men in general, should go about the process of "taking a wife." This isn't an exhaustive list by any means, and as a man gets older, say late twenties and beyond, the process will begin to change as well, so what I hope to do is present some unchanging principles that I've learned over the years.

Stage 1: Prepare Yourself
Young men should be about the business of men at an early age in life. This doesn't exclude having fun or playing xbox, but it does mean that there are limits on how much time is spent being burned in frivolous activities. As you age, say early teen to early twenties, what occupies most of your time should look vastly different from your younger years. What the bible calls men to be should begin forging who you're becoming. Study the lists on qualifications for Elders in passages like 1 Timothy 2, and Titus 1, then set those standards as your standards, and become them!

Stage 2: Have Biblical Worldview
Being firmly grounded in mid-air isn't an option! Know what you believe, why you believe it, and how to defend it from scripture. If you cant' defend it from scripture, change your belief so you can. Some key areas of biblical belief are:

• Will your wife work outside of your home?
  
• When will you begin having children?
  
• How will you educate your children?
  
• Will you use birth control?
  
• Do you understand headship and gender roles?
• What type of church will and your family attend?
• Will you go into debt, or stay out of debt, for various reasons?
  

Again, these are just a sample of what you should think through before you go entering into a life-long covenant with a young lady. You don't want to ask a lady to follow you if you don't know where you're going. Too many men get married before ever considering any of these questions.

I believe men should be ready to be a dad before ever getting married. I believe the womb should be open to the LORD in "most" cases, and that birth control should be avoided, again, in "most" cases.

I believe children should receive a thoroughly biblical education.

I believe God has laid upon the man the role of provider, and that his wife should work at home, helping to advance the vision that the LORD has given to the man for his household.

My ideals have grown over time, and I expect that they'll grow even more in the future. As a first generation believer, coming to some of the decisions I've come to hasn't been easy, or without complications, but I can say this, I'm able to defend why I believe them from a biblical perspective, and you should able too.

Stage 3: Look for a Wife, not a date
When the time comes and you feel like your ready for marriage, and not just a "good time," you'll begin the process of looking for a wife. Let me say this as clearly as I can, "Marriage is for Men, not boys," so if all you want is a date, good time, female companionship with no strings attached, push on. Don't ruin anyone's life because you're not willing to grow up. A woman wants a man who will lead her and take care of her, not a boy she must coddle and hope he changes someday.

The woman you choose as a bride should meet certain biblical standards, not perfectly mind you, because no one does, but at least be moving in that direction. Study the lists in Proverbs 31, along with the lists for Godly women in 1 Timothy 2 and Titus 2 as well, to gain a good understanding of what to look for in a wife.

Stage 4: Speak with her Father, or male protector
I believe in covenant headship, and therefore, I believe when a young man finds a gal he believes could be his wife, he should make his intentions known to her father, before making them known to her. This may sound awkward, but that's only because it flies in the face of how things are done in our culture, and in most Christian circles. If you're a good catch with some bait on the hook, a good father isn't going to rule you out right a way. He's only going to make sure you're marriage material, is fairly close to what his daughter is looking for (he'll know this because he'll know his daughter), and that you won't be wasting his daughter's time, and playing with the strings of her heart.

If you meet a young lady, perhaps one in her mid to late twenties or beyond, and she isn't living with parents, parents aren't alive, and/or there's no male protector in her life, then speak to her Pastor(s). A good pastor will want to protect his sheep, and he'll do what her dad was suppose to do, protect her. Let him know you're desiring marriage and that you wish to approach a lady from his church. Most pastors will welcome the opportunity of helping to facilitate a God-honoring courtship.

Stage 5: Begin the Courtship
There's too many ways to do courtship, and I'm sure many can meet the biblical standards for purity, pace and perspective, so I'm not going to go into the mechanics of "how" to court, but I will say this; courtship isn't marriage, but neither is courtship dating. You aren't in an unbreakable covenant by courting, but you shouldn't think that this courtship can end at any time, for any reason, either. I think somewhere in the middle is solid ground.


So there you have it, some of my random thoughts on "how to take a wife." If it helps, fine, if not, to each his own. Whatever way you go about finding and taking a wife, make sure you honor the LORD in the process, honor the young lady involved, and maintain your purity. Do this and you shall live, don't, and you shall die a slow and painful death. . . . . at least if my girls are involved!

Recommended resources:

Books:

   

 

 

 

"Marriage, Purity, and Honoring God"

Here's a nice piece written by Steven Crowder, Comedian and Fox News contributor, about his courtship, purity, and waiting till the wedding night for intimacy.

Click here for the article!

The author and his wife on his wedding day in August 2012. (Courtesy of the author.)

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2012/09/14/staying-celibate-before-marriage-was-best-thing-ive-ever-done/#ixzz272q1pyAX

"This is War" by Paul Washer

Take this to heart, Men... 

A Safe Place To Be

I hate hearing of men who refuse to protect their daughters-who won't stand up or speak up when the wolves come looking for food. Since when was 18 the age that girls needed to defend themselves; to provide for themselves; or to make it by themselves? I don't find that in the Bible, so I'm left to assume that someone, in years past, declared this, and the masses who were...(better not say it) followed suit.

The LORD has blessed me with three of the most beautiful girls any man could hope to marry, and I'll tell the world- without hesitation- that my girls have a safe place to live until the day I give them away in marriage. I love them, and when you love something, you protect it. How many men wouldn't even leave their xbox out in the rain, but would have no problem leaving their daughters out in the world unprotected, unprepared, and unloved. Oh, but, "I do love my daughter," they'll say, and I say, "nonsense," you love your freedom and extra money more than you love your daughter, and that's why the wolves are well fed tonight!

A daughter should be protected by her dad until it's no longer possible to do so. When he walks her down the aisle and places her hand into the hand of her husband, the exchange should be more than tradition, it should be symbolic of what has truly occurred; she was cared for and protected by her dad, and now that duty passes to her husband. And while we're on the subject, may I say that the white dress should mean she's a virgin?- or would that upset too many people? Indeed, to raise a virgin daughter to adulthood, and give her away pure and undefiled to her husband is a lofty goal in the culture we live in, but guess what, we serve a God who has declared that with Him, "all things are possible."  

Nehemiah says that men are supposed to fight for their sons and daughters (Neh. 4:14), not give them to the enemy for his own pleasures. No age is mentioned in scripture when men are to stop doing this either. We can apply wisdom to this, and understand that not all families are in tact and walking with the LORD. We all know girls who, for one reason or another, don't have a dad to protect them, and to them I say, there's still a way. Maybe other Godly men in your family can oversee your affairs, or perhaps an Elder or Deacon at your church. I'm sure any Godly man would relish the opportunity to protect and invest in the life of a sister in Christ.

So go ahead, men, dream big for your daughters, don't settle for the low, sleezy standard that our culture says is normal. Get a vision for beautiful girlhood from scripture and take the steps necessary to see it come to fruition. They don't have to look like Miley, LiLo, JLo, Gaga, Britney, or Katy to be special, accepted, and loved; all they have to do is be who God made them, and not who culture hopes they become. 

Your girls should not fear growing up thinking that they'll have to move out, get a job, and make it on their own: they should grow up knowing that their dad will always provide a safe a place for them to live and grow, to prosper and mature, to learn and develop, and to be courted and wed. God has a plan for girls, and it isn't what we see all around us. Give your daughters to the LORD and see what He does with them. Don't give them to the wolves, because we all know what they'll do. Protect your girls...they'll be eternally grateful you did!

~Strength and Honor~

A Companion of Fools

Three Fools of Carnival, Pieter Bruegel the Elder

"Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, 

but the companion of fools will suffer harm." 

-Proverbs 13:20

There is much wisdom in this Proverb, both for young and old alike. In my home, we talk regularly to our children about the company they keep, the books they read, and how they spend their time, because my wife and I both know the powerful influence these have on our lives. 

In high school, I was the proverbial "fool" that Christian parents would've wanted their little Johnny to stay away from, and had my hand in leading many a young person down the fool's road. I lacked wisdom and discretion in many areas of life, and enjoyed finding others who shared my views. It wasn't until the Lord's grace reached me and transformed my life by removing my heart of stone and implanting a heart of flesh, that I was able to finally see my folly; and folly is putting it mildly.

So what company are you keeping these days? Who do you enjoy spending your days off with, your free time with, and your internet time with? 

What about your children; what company are they keeping? 

Who do you believe in your heart, has the hearts of your children? 

Have they become "the companion of fools," or do they walk with the wise?

The Proverb says "whoever walks with the wise becomes wise," but what exactly does that mean?  To 'walk' with the wise is to willingly reject the fool's path. Walking with someone is a predetermined, cognitive act, that moves you in a certain direction. It isn't just 'knowing' the wise, or once in a while heading in the same direction as the wise; NO, it's much more intentional, much more decisive, much more engaging, and much more formative. It's doing life with the wise, and letting the wise shape your life.

A companion of fools is easy to spot. He's the guys who mopes around aimlessly in life while the wise move toward a vision of where they want to be. The fool is seldom called upon to accomplish anything because no one, except maybe his mother, believes he can do much of anything based on his track record. He's the guy who quits every job he has because he believes his boss is picking on him. The guy who refuses to join the military because he hears stories about how hard boot camp is and that he can't play video games there. The guy who's only looking for a date, not a wife, and only pursues girls who's dad isn't the protector he's called to be in her life. The fool thinks life should be easy, where as the wise understand the fall of man and the duty of man toward God to bring order out of chaos in a fallen world.

The fool says little in life of any substance. He holds no place of honor in the systems of government God has established for humanity to live and function under. He's the guy who says "let's eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we shall die." The wise "eat, drink and are merry" as well (1 Cor. 10:31), but for much different reasons. In 1 Corinthians 15: 33-34, Paul says, 

"Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” Wake up from your drunken stupor, as is right, and do not go on sinning. For some have no knowledge of God. I say this to your shame."

Are duty as men toward God is to pursue wisdom with all our heart. And our duty as fathers and parents is to raise sons and daughters who pursue wisdom with all their heart. The trumpet has sounded and the King awaits your service....

 "Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, 

 act like men, be strong."

-1 Corinthians 16:13

The Male Domain's YouTube Channel

I've been wanting to Vlog for quite some time, and finally made my desires a reality. (For those unfamiliar, the word 'Vlog' is short or 'Video Log' just like 'Blog' is short for 'Web Log.) I posted my Inaugural Vlog recently and hope to post up a Vlog about once a week or so.

My first one is an introductory post and is a bit longer than I wanted, and will be sure to shorten them in the future. I hope to Vlog about various topics and will be looking for ideas to tackle from you, my readers. So if you have some thoughts on topics, let me know.

You can subscribe to our YouTube channel and will get new videos as they get released, by visiting us at The Male Domain's YouTube Channel. Thanks, you all, and be blessed!

PS --There's a little box in bottom right hand corner of our side bar that will show our newest video postings as well!

The Result of NOT Fathering Your Sons

6 year old, Aliyah Shell, pictured above.

This past weekend saw 49 people get shot, with 10 fatalities, in the city of Chicago, where I grew up. One of the victims who died was a 6 year old little girl named, Aliyah Shell, who was shot while sitting with her mother on the front porch of their home, as her mom brushed her hair while they prepared to attend a birthday party on a warm, sunny afternoon.

Read the article here.

The reason this post is entitled, "The Result of NOT Fathering Your Sons," is because these shootings, as with most violent crimes, were perpetrated by young men with no fear of God, and no measure of self control, which fathers, like myself, are commanded to instill in their sons when they're growing up. When boys are allowed to grow up without men teaching them what manhood is all about, we end up with weekends like this one. The two young men who shot and KILLED this innocent little girl are 18 and 16 years old, who's lives are now forever changed, like Aliyah's.

I have a hard time believing that these two young men have hard working fathers who spend lots of time with them living at home. If that turns out to be the case, I will be very surprised. More often than not, young men who commit crimes like this are being raised by single moms, who are doing what they can to pay the bills and keep food on the table, while the men who fathered the boys, are out doing their own thing. I grew up in Chicago's Logan Square neighborhood, so I know what I'm talking about. But not for the grace of God, I would have been one these young men.

Having said that, I really wouldn't have a problem with the fathers of young men who commit crimes like this being held responsible in some fashion. True, the fathers didn't pull the trigger of the gun that killed Aliyah, but neither did they train the hearts of the boys who did, and for that, I say, hold them responsible.

Now the Chicago Police Department is scrambling as they look for ways to combat violent crime in Chicago, so that the citizens there can feel safe, when the only answer needed is found in the world's most bought and read book in human history, the Bible. One verse we can start with is Ephesians 6:4, which reads;

"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

Or how about Psalm 78:5, which says,

 "He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children,"

 And if we're man enough to read on, Deuteronomy 21: 18-21 says this to fathers of rebellious sons:

If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and, though they discipline him, will not listen to them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of the place where he lives, and they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This our son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ Then all the men of the city shall stone him to death with stones. So you shall purge the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

Now, will sin reign in the hearts of some sons, even though they've been brought up and disciplined by Godly men, yes...

Are men responsible for their own actions in the sight of the LORD, yes...

Can the violence we see in our culture being thrust upon society, in large part, by men, be GREATLY reduced, yes it can...

This little girl didn't have to die in the arms of her mother, who had dreams and goals for her little gift from God, the way that she did. The two young men who killed Aliyah will pay for their crime, in this life and the next, apart from faith in Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of their sin, and as a society, we long for justice. But what about their fathers? Are they around? Are they alive? Do they even know what their sons did???

In Revelation 21:5, Jesus said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” And to that, I say, Amen.

As men, we must embrace our roles in society and do our duty to the LORD. He has commanded us to disciple our children, to love our wives, and to work hard. With a quick glance at culture, it doesn't take long to see how men have completely abandoned what they were created for, and wear their refusal to be a man as a badge of honor. LORD help us.

As you go through your day, keep Aliyah's family in your prayers, as well as the city of Chicago. I have family that live there, know men ministering there, and believe God can do amazing things there.

May every man do his duty...

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**If you're able to help with the $8,000.00 funeral cost, please visit my wife's blog where she's collecting money to give to the family. This little girl was best friends with my friends young daughter in kindergarten, so this story is very disturbing on several fronts. If you can't help financially, please pray as you remember to. Thanks, and God Bless...

Single Christian Ladies and the Men Who Need to Marry Them

There's an epidemic in the church today of twenty-something year old young ladies who've never been courted, or have been asked for their hand in marriage, and this ought not be the case.

We need to train, and re-train, the young men in the church today in the art of taking a wife, and we dads, need to raise our young boys in such a way that will enable them to actively, and aggressively, pursue a young lady for the purpose of courtship and marriage. The family helps to ensure the future of the church, and a good, Godly family is an exceptional witness of the grace of God to a non-believing world.

Bible colleges and churches are filled with beautiful, intelligent, Godly gals, who are just waiting to be pursued by a strong, masculine young man with a compelling vision for his future family. While they're waiting, many young ladies are going all the way through college and beyond, and rather than wait any longer, they may opt for the mission field, pursue a career, or perhaps even settle for a "non-believer" because he simply pursued her. This is shameful, and a blight on unmarried Christian men. We must protect the daughters of God, and one way of protecting them is by marrying them!

I have a good friend who had fallen victim of the "de-fanging" that occurs to many young men once they become a Christian. They're told so often that those beautifully attractive young ladies are their sisters, and that Christians don't do things like non-Christians, and they should never do anything that might "mess up" the relationship if things don't work out, that they end up just observing them, and going to single events with them, until one day they see those ladies move away, go to another church, or marry someone they've settle for, and spend the rest of their lives with someone who doesn't have the kind of vision they always hoped their husband would've had. This occurs far too often, and it doesn't have to be this way. The problem with de-fanging the young men, is that, well, they're still men, with the same hormones, same desires, and same need of a Godly companion.

The rare exception to this would be those who God supernaturally calls to be single for their entire lives, for a very specific purpose that He's ordained. This is rare, but does occur. Unfortunately, the church is full of men who haven't been called to singleness, but haven't been equipped for marriage either. I hope to help change this!

The friend I spoke of was able to regain his "God-given aggressiveness" before it was too late, and went out and pursued the girl he wanted, and today they're happily married serving the LORD together in ministry. Him and I had some good talks about what steps he needed to take to see this come about, and I'll be sharing some of those thoughts in the next several posts.

Special Duties of Husbands to Their Wives

The Special Duties of Husbands

to Their Wives

By Richard Baxter (1615-1691)

He that will expect duty or comfort from his wife, must be faithful in doing the duty of a husband. The failing of yourselves in your own duty, may cause the failing of another to you, or at least in some other way as much afflict you, and will be bitterer to you in the end, than if a hundred failed their duty to you. A good husband will either make a good wife, or easily and profitably endure a bad one. I shall therefore give you directions for your own part of duty, as that which your happiness is most concerned in.

Direct. I

The husband must undertake the principal part of the government of the whole family, even of the wife herself. And therefore, I. He must labor to be fit and able for that government which he undertakes. This ability consists, 1. In holiness and spiritual wisdom, that he may be acquainted with the end to which he is to conduct them, and the rule by which he is to guide them, and the principal works which they are to do. An ungodly, irreligious man is both a stranger and an enemy to the chief part of family government. 2. His ability consists in a due acquaintance with the works of his calling, and the labors in which his servants are to be employed. For he that is utterly unacquainted with their business, will be very unfit to govern them in it: unless he commit that part of their government to his wife, or a steward that is acquainted with it. 3. And he must be acquainted both with the common temper and infirmities of mankind, that he may know how much is to be borne with, and also with the particular temper, and faults, and virtues of those whom he is to govern. 4. And he must have prudence, to direct himself in all his carriage to them; and justice, to deal with everyone as they deserve; and love, to do them all the good he can, for soul and body. II. And being thus able, he must make it his daily work, and especially be sure to govern himself well, that his example may be part of his government of others.

Direct. II

The husband must so unite authority and love, that neither of them be omitted or concealed, but both be exercised and maintained. Love must not be exercised so imprudently as to destroy the exercise of authority; and authority must not be exercised over a wife so magisterially and imperiously, as to destroy the exercise of love. As your love must be a governing love, so your commands must all be loving commands. Lose not your authority; for that will but disable you from doing the office of a husband to your wife, or of a master to your servants. Yet must it be maintained by no means inconsistent with conjugal love; and therefore not by fierceness or cruelty, by threats or stripes (unless by distraction or loss of reason, the cease to be capable of the carriage otherwise due to a wife). There are many cases of equality in which authority is not to be exercised; but there is no case of inequality or unworthiness so great, in which conjugal love is not to be exercised; and therefore nothing must exclude it.

Direct. III

It is the duty of husbands to preserve the authority of their wives, over the children and servants of the family. For they are joint governors with them over all the inferiors. And the infirmities of women are apt many times to expose them to contempt: so that servants and children will be apt to slight them, and disobey them, if the husband interpose not to preserve their honor and authority. Yet this must be done with cautions as these: 1. Justify not any error, vice, or weakness of your wives. They may be concealed or excused as far as may be, but never owned or defended. 2. Urge not obedience to any unlawful of theirs. No one hath authority to contradict the law of God, or disoblige any form of his government. You will but diminish your own authority with persons of any understanding, if you justify any thing that is against God’s authority. But if the thing commanded be lawful, though it may have some inconveniences, you must rebuke the disobedience of inferiors, and not suffer them to slight the commands of your wives, nor to set their own reason and wills against them, and say, We will not do it. How can they help you in government, if you suffer them to be disobeyed?

Direct. IV

Also you must preserve the honor as well as the authority of your wives. If they have any dishonorable infirmities, they are not to be mentioned by children and servants. As in the natural body we cover most carefully the most dishonorable parts, (for our comely parts have no need.) 1 Cor. xii. 23, 24, so must it be here. Children or servants must not be suffered to carry themselves contemptuously or rudely towards them, nor to despise them, or speak unmannerly, proud, or disdainful words to them. The husband must vindicate them from all such injury and contempt.

Direct. V

The husband is to excel the wife in knowledge, and be her teacher in the matters that belong to salvation. He must instruct her in the word of God, and direct her in particular duties, and help her to subdue her own corruptions, and labor to confirm her against temptations; if she doubt of any thing that he can resolve her in, she is to ask his resolution, and he to open to her at home the things which she understood not in the congregation, 1 Cor. xiv. 35. But if the husband be indeed an ignorant sot, or have made himself unable to instruct his wife, she is not bound to ask him in vain, to teach her that which he understands not himself. Those husbands that despise the word of God, and live in willful ignorance, do not only despise their own souls, but their families also; and making themselves unable for their duties, they are usually themselves despised by their inferiors: for God hath told such in his message to Eli, 1 Sam. ii. 30, “Them that honor me, I will honor; and they that despise me shall be lightly esteemed.”

Direct. VI

The husband must be the principal teacher of the family. He must instruct them, and examine them, and rule them about matters of God, as well as his own service, and see that the Lord’s day and worship be observed by all that are within his gates. And therefore he must labor for such understanding and ability as is necessary hereunto. And if he be unable or negligent, it is his sin and will be his shame. If the wife be wiser and abler, and it be cast upon her, it is his dishonor; but if neither of them do it, the sin, and shame, and suffering, will be common to them both.

Direct. VII

The husband is to be the mouth of the family, in their daily conjunct prayers unto God. Therefore he must be able to pray, and also have a praying heart. He must be as it were the priest of the household; and therefore should be the most holy, that he may be fit to stand between them and God, and to offer up their prayers to him. If this be cast on the wife, it will be his dishonor.

Direct. VIII

The husband is to be the chief provider for the family (ordinarily). It is supposed that he is most able for mind and body, and is the chief disposer of the estate. Therefore he must be specially careful, that wife and children want nothing that is fit for them, so far as he can procure it.

Direct. IX

The husband must be strongest in family patience; bearing with the weakness and passions of the wife; not so as to make light of any sin against God, but so as not to make a matter of any frailty as against himself, and so as to preserve the love and peace which is to be as the natural temper of their relation.

Direct. X

The manner of all these duties must also be carefully regarded. As, 1. That they be done in prudence, and not with folly, rashness, or inconsiderateness. 2. That all be done in conjugal love and tenderness, as over one that is tender, and the weaker vessel; and that he do not teach, or command, or reprove a wife, in the same imperious manner as a child or a servant. 3. That due familiarity be maintained, and that he keep not at a distance and strangeness from his wife. 4. That love be confident, without base suspicions, and causeless jealousies. 5. That all be done in gentleness and not is passion, roughness, and sourness. 6. That there be no unjust and causeless concealment of secrets, which should be common to them both. 7. That there be no foolish opening of such secrets to her as may become her snare, and she is not able to bear or keep. 8. That none of their own matters, which should be kept secret, be made known to others. His teaching and reproving of her, should be for the most part secret. 9. That he be constant, and not weary of his love or duty. This briefly of the matter.

---

Excerpted from Chapter VIII. of this English Puritan’s manual on family life, “Christian Economics,” found in his book A Christian Directory which was first printed in 1673 and reprinted by Soli Deo Gloria in 1990.

Wilson, Driscoll Interview on Masculinity

If I had to point to two men I learned most of what I know about "Biblical' Masculinty, it would definitely be the two men in this interview: Douglas Wilson, and Mark Driscoll. Doug's books, and Driscoll's sermons were a fantastic one-two punch back in the day when the Lord started moving my heart toward Him and toward my family. I was excited to see these two Titans sharing the stage recently at Wilson's church for a conference they hosted. Do yourself a favor and take the time to learn from these Men!

Doug Wilson Interviews Mark Driscoll (Part 1) | Men & Masculinity from Canon Wired on Vimeo.

The Decline of the Nuclear Family

Here's a nice piece on the decline of the traditional (or should I say, Biblical) family, taken from The Resurgence blog, and written by Nick Bogardus.

At the end of article are some links to sermons that every Christian should listen to.

Enjoy!

A Massive Culture Shift

There is a massive shift happening right now in our culture. The ink and pixels that have spilled on the change are markedly hopeless and without answers. To see the tip of the iceberg, we only need to look at the LA Times from last month. The nuclear family is now the minority of households in California.
“New census figures show that the percentage of Californians who live in “nuclear family” households - a married man and a woman raising their children - has dropped again for the last decade, to 23.4% of all households. That represents a 10% decline in 10 years, measured as a percentage of the state’s households.
Those households, the Times analysis shows, are being supplanted by a striking spectrum of postmodern living arrangements: same-sex households, unmarried opposite-sex partners, married couples who have no children…new sorts of households - blended families; bands of middle-class singles who live and vacation together; families that were once called “broken” - are increasingly the standard.” LA Times, US Census Data Show California Families Changing, June 22, 2011

Actors in Limbo

What it means to be a family is being re-defined, largely by a tectonic shift in gender roles. In the Wall Street Journal, Kay Hymotitz argued that because women are moving ahead more quickly and in greater numbers in our advanced knowledge economy, that husbands and fathers are now optional. This, she says, has created a situation in which today’s pre-adult male is like an actor in a drama in which he only knows what he shouldn’t say, and in which most men in their 20s hang out in a "novel sort of limbo, a hybrid state of semi-hormonal adolescence and responsible self-reliance."

"Perhaps the things that really need redeeming are the church’s lack of a voice in what it means to be a man or woman."

Untethered, Lost, Mute, and Passive

In Hanna Rosin's article in the The Atlantic entitled “The End of Men,” she paints a nearly identical picture of the alpha-female dominating mute and passive males. “He can be sweet, bitter, nostalgic, or cynical, but he cannot figure out how to be a man. 'We call each other man,’ says Ben Stiller’s character in Greenberg, 'but it’s a joke. It’s like imitating other people.'”
The New York Times described this new "emerging adulthood" as a block box where 20-somethings delay reaching adulthood, often until their 30s.

The traditional cycle seems to have gone off course, as young people remain untethered to romantic partners or to permanent homes, going back to school for lack of better options, traveling, avoiding commitments, competing ferociously for unpaid internships or temporary (and often grueling) Teach for America jobs, forestalling the beginning of adult life.

Don't Focus Just on the External

Of course that is true in the church, only you can replace the Teach for America jobs with short-term missions trips. For all of the time and energy spent on “redeeming the arts”, “redeeming cities”, and everything else we want to attach the word "redeem" to, perhaps the things that really need redeeming are the church’s lack of a voice in what it means to be a man or woman. Exerting so much effort on people’s activities is only addressing externals, symptoms. Chances are if a guy can be a man who loves Jesus, reads his Bible, gets a job, leaves his parent’s house, and loves one woman, then he will also be effective wherever God has called him, be that the arts or in business.
One important thing that needs to be pointed out about this cultural shift described in the articles above is that it is turning us into autonomous individuals. Mrs. Hymotitz even went so far as to say that husbands and fathers are optional in this new economic paradigm. While we might bandage the need for relationship with loosely-defined friendships, these float on the surface of lives marked by selfishly avoiding commitments, being untethered to romantic partners, or permanent homes.

"Perhaps the most loving, most prophetic thing the church can do is to call men in their 20s to love Jesus, read their Bibles, get a job, to leave their parent’s house, and to love one woman."

Biblical Manhood and Womanhood

In the face of the confusion, hopelessness, and lack of any answers from our culture, one of the most radical things the church can call Christians to is back to God’s design for men and women. Men and women were created to cultivate and steward God’s creation—to rule over it as his representatives. But what is often underemphasized is that we were created to do that together. God made men and women in complementary ways to reflect his trinitarian nature, his covenantal love in marriage, and his authority and submission in the church. This ultimately points toward the unity that will exist when Jesus comes back for the bride he loves. All of this is his love towards us.

The Call

Perhaps the most loving, most prophetic thing the church can do is to call men in their 20s to love Jesus, read their Bibles, get a job, to leave their parent’s house, and to love one woman—according to the Wall Street Journal, The Atlantic, and the New York Times, no one is doing that.

Again, take the time to listen to these sermons. They were foundational to the life change that occurred in my life when they were first preached, it took me hours to download them on my 'dial-up' connection.

Women and Femininity by Mark Driscoll


Men and Masculinity by Mark Driscoll


Celebrating Children by Mark Driscoll


For a list of good books on the subjects discussed, click here to view my resource page!

Are You Worth Imitating?

What is your family catechism? By that, I mean, what are you teaching your children about the Lord?

You see friends, we all teach our children about God, all the time.

You teach them values, morals, ethics, doctrine, and so on, and all these teach about God. Your children are always learning. Even in the fun stuff, you're teaching your children about God.

Now, you want to hear something frightening? Good, hear it is--Your values will be their values--Your morals will be their morals--Your ethics will be their ethics--And your doctrine will be their doctrine.

Memorial Day - 2009

This Memorial Day, fly the flag, and fly it proud!

Thank a Veteran for serving to protect your freedom from those who seek to perpetuate evil, and cause harm.

God calls Men to protect their homes, their children, and their wives, with the use of the sword. If you're a pacifist who doesn't believe in violence, it's ok, just stay behind me and I'll protect you!

Above: My Navy Grad photo
Below: Me aboard the USS Midway
in front of an FA-18 Hornet)

Below: Graduation day in Orlando, FL
with my parents.

(Below are some photos taken at a WWII tribute
that my family attended in May)

This is Mr. Bill Sweeney. He fought in the Battle of the Bulge during WWII.
It was an honor to meet him!

Below are my two boys, Stephen and Ravi with two
young soldiers!

Below is my wife, June, and our eight children!

Manhood...Defined!

Who defines Manhood?

Bible...or...Culture?

Answer: The Bible!

Check this verse out;

1 Corinthians 16:13

13 Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. (English Standard Version)

Here it is in the Amplified Bible;

13Be alert and on your guard; stand firm in your faith (your conviction respecting man's relationship to God and divine things, keeping the trust and holy fervor born of faith and a part of it). Act like men and be courageous; grow in strength!

Isn't it great to know that as Men, we don't have to be effeminate to follow Christ. We can, and are called to be, masculine. Spurgeon once said: "There has gone abroad the notion that in order for a Man to follow Christ he must sink his manliness."

What strikes me about the above verse is the gender specific command that Paul places on the Men at Corinth. How I wish we heard more of this type of language on Sunday mornings. We need Pastors to lay it on thick when it comes to being Men in the biblical form that Paul describes in the text. Perhaps if they did call us out more, we might see an uprising of spiritually strong, firmly devoted, family loving, Christ glorifying, masculine men!

I wonder what you all think about the Men in church today. Are they masculine? Courageous? Firm in their faith? Alert? Responsible? Strong? Chivalrous? Godly?

Let me know what you see!