Raising Sons: The Need for Discipline

 

"Boys are confronted with a culture which is hostile to the very idea 

of masculinity and which is industriously doing whatever it can to exterminate it.

Boys who, for whatever reason, resist the allurements of masculine laziness

immediately find themselves at war with the culture at large." 

-Douglas Wilson, Future Men

Let's face it, young men today, as a whole, are undisciplined. When a young man has gone off the path that God calls him to, we must immediately look to the father of that boy for answers to his waywardness. There are two primary areas of life that young men need to be disciplined in, and failing in either area will lead to certain abandonment of biblical manhood.  

The first area is that of inner discipline. Our boys must learn to deal with their inner desire to reject the hard life. Men were created to be builders, to take dominion, to bring order out of chaos; but to do these things takes hard work, and that hard work is what men naturally shy away from. We must teach our boys to embrace their positions, not abandon them.

If a boy looks inward to what is right and wrong, it won't take very long for that boy's life to spiral out of control. A young man's natural temptation will be to abandon biblical manhood in lieu of cultural manhood, which biblically speaking, is no manhood at all. There will times when our boys should enjoy some of the pleasures of this world, but to be ruled by them is never an option; to be consumed by them is not an option either. A fine dinner with good drink is a reward that I enjoy with my wife on occasion, and it's something our boys should look forward to as well!

Rising to the call of biblical manhood is hard work- if it wasn't, more men would achieve what so few have. It takes focus, it takes training, it takes dying to self, it takes vision, it takes courage. The path of least resistance takes none of the above. You eat, you drink, you play games, you get a girl, then repeat the cycle; that's about the sum total of cultural manhood. Completely antithetical to what scripture call men to.

The second area of life that boys need discipline in springboards off the first and is this- they need to be disciplined to reject what the culture is calling them to. They're biblical men, and as such, they should have neither the time nor the inclination to be involved in such a low vocation as that of a cultural man. What's laid out before them from the media; whether it be the music industry, movie industry, or youth industry, must be rejected if they are to rise to the call of a biblical man. Will they have dealings with all of these as they walk through this world? - Absolutely, but they must be disciplined enough to interact with them in a way that brings glory to God. 

The culture is always baiting the hook in hopes of bringing down our boys, therefore, it is imperative that we teach our sons to be discerning, to be wise, to be courageous, and to be disciplined. Our boys must know that they are enlisted in the army of the Lord, and as soldiers for Christ, they have a much higher code of conduct than those around them. Let us equip them for good service, and let us pray earnestly that their service is served honorably to the King.

May the LORD give us wisdom as we seek to do His will in the lives of our sons!

I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this subject...

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I wrote an article called "Teach Them to Work," that may interest you as well. Click here to view!

Are You a Mother of Sweet Little Blessings?

This is Mrs. June Fuentes popping in again to say hello to all the women who like to visit The Male Domain! I hope you are enjoying my husband's series on Raising Sons as much as I am--lots of food for thought.  I would also like to take a minute to share with you if you are a blessed mother to one or many small ones, a wonderful cloth diaper company called Sweet Little Blessings. If you are looking for an alternative to disposable diapers for your sweet bundle of joy be sure to visit them!

Raising Sons: Fighting a Feminized Culture

"We live in a feminist and effeminate culture. Because of this, at best,

as a people we are uneasy with masculinity, and with increasing

regularity, whenever it manages to appear somehow, we call for 

someone to do something about it." -Douglas Wilson, Future Men

There's a reason tween girls like the Jonas Brothers (pictured above), and it's probably because they look like tween girls themselves. Skinny jeans and mom's haircut is how I heard one speaker at a conference I attended describe their look: not them specifically, but boys who look like them. 

Our boys are growing up in a society where being feminine and male are synonymous with one another. To be masculine is seen as being extreme, macho, or even mean to some. Carrying yourself like a man should won't get you very far with the culture we live in. Even in many christian churches, boys looking feminine isn't too abnormal. Parents say it's just a phase, or they'll grow out it, and perhaps they will; but why can't that "phase" be one of biblical masculinity? Why is a phase always sinful, and why do parents accept it?

If your boys are leaning toward the feminine look that's popular for young men, like, skinny jeans and moms haircut, you should be asking yourself some basic questions like: 

Who has your son's heart? 

Who are his primary influences? 

Why isn't his dad who he's trying to emulate? (Assuming dad doesn't wear skinny jeans and have moms haircut!)

And, is your son learning manhood from the word of God?

There are great passages of scripture that every son should learn from if his desire is to become a biblical man. I always tell young men to study the qualifications for Elders and Deacons laid out in 1 Tim. 3: 1-13, and Titus 1: 5-9, then set out to meet that criteria for their lives. One of my favorite verses, 1 Cor. 16:13, says, "Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong." (emphasis mine) And of course, I tell them to study the life of Christ, who is the ultimate example of manhood, and live a life that's pleasing to Him.

Being masculine has nothing to do with height or weight either, because I know some out there have accused me of saying that all boys should fall into the jock/athlete model, and that's not at all what I'm saying. He shouldn't be a bully either, and he shouldn't punch any guy out who didn't deserve it. A biblical man is one who understands his position in the world and embraces his duty as a man. To abandon his position as a leader, a provider, a protector, or a priest, is to sin against God, and to sin against those he's called to lead.

I've had the pleasure of meeting and getting to know some wonderful examples of young men who have risen above the mediocrity that culture sets forth for young men today, and have seen first hand what the Lord can do with those who truly desire to live Godly in an ungodly world. These young men come from households that take seriously the commandment to "bring up our children in the training and instruction of the Lord." (Eph. 6:4)

It takes work to raise Godly, masculine boys, and there may be some resistance along the way, because after all, their hearts are naturally inclined to resist God's will for their life and embrace sin as the norm; but don't lose heart, God's grace is inexhaustible. I'm a prime example of someone who defied God's will for my life through my teen years and beyond, and today, by His grace, and by His grace alone, I stand here encouraging others to lean on His word. Let's not accept what seems to be the norm out there, rather, let's redefine the norm with the word of God. You won't be popular, and you might even take one for the team from time to time, but that's okay, we need runners on base!

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(At the end of this post, I have several resources listed that would benefit you with regards to raising sons.)

Resource and Giveaway for Daughters: The Family Daughter Book

This is Mrs. June Fuentes, popping in again to share a wonderful resource with all the readers of The Male Domain.I am having a fabulous giveaway at my  blog, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, on a wonderful book to encourage your daughters called The Family Daughter: Becoming Pillars of Strength In Our Father's House.

If you are looking for godly resources for you daughter or granddaughters, this is it. Be sure to check it out---the giveaway will end in a week on 12/6/10!

The Loss of Innocence, and the Gift of New Life

For those who may question why our daughters need to be protected, I share the following testimony I received from a reader of mine. I share this with her permission, and I share this as a call to men to stand in gap, fight for your girls, and don't ever think they're old enough to go-it-alone. This reader is responding to my articles on Protecting Daughters, which can be read here, and here.

Her words...

I am a 30 year old Christian wife and mother of 3 boys. I came to know The Lord at the age of 19, after I had almost destroyed myself. To be honest, I thank the Lord that I am even alive today, let alone saved. I was taken from my mother when my parents divorced when I was a toddler. My dad later remarried and I was raised by him and my step mom. My dad was a soldier, which meant he was gone a lot. While he was away my step mom would demean him and not enforce his rules. She made jokes about him. She encouraged me to wear tight clothing and would tease me when I didn't want to. Some of her advice to me through the years was "get your education and make your own money so you don't have to be dependent on a man."

When I was a sophomore in high school and was dating a young man who was in college, her advice to me was that it's okay to have sex as long as I'm in love and I come to her for protection...oh, and she promised not to tell my dad. Long story short, before I turned 19 I was no longer a virgin, I had been pulled into Wicca and alcohol and drugs. I was raped at age 17 and ended up pregnant by the time I was a senior in high school. Since my boyfriend was 12 years older than me, he and his family made sure I had an abortion so he wouldn't end up in jail for statutory rape.

By the time I was 18 I was living with this man because I felt I had nowhere to go. I didn't want to go back to my father's house, where my step mom was cruel and cussed and screamed and my dad was never around to protect me from her. I decided my only option was to live with this man, who was no man at all. Even though he took advatange of me I was young and naive, so I believed him when he said he loved me. I payed the bills while he sat around playing video games and smoking pot.

One night he got brave and put my hands behind my back and shoved me against the wall. Then he threw me on the bed. All because I wouldn't give him my keys to my car. I fought him and got away. I got saved that night as I drove away from him. In my car, alone and scared and exhausted, I cried out to God. I only knew John 3:16. Up until this moment God was always the one I cried to in my pillow at night from the time I was around 7 years old and started having memories of being molested when I was 5. He was the one I cried to when I was hurt over and over by the people who were supposed to protect me. But I didn't know Him. This night, however, I cried out to Him and told Him I didn't want to be alone anymore and I didn't want to live for empty things that didn't satify me. I told God that if He could do anything with a worthless, pitiful mess like me, that He could have me. My life has been drastically different ever since. He washed me and changed my heart.

So..about your article about defending daughters:
I agree with you whole heartedly. Before I learned to forgive my step mom I was always very angry with her. It wasn't until I was a mother and saw her selfishness affecting my children and noticed my dad wasn't standing in front of my children, that I realized that my dad was equally at fault for some of the things I experienced as a young girl. He was off defending a nation, and I am grateful for his service and I understand that his job required that he be away. But even so, he was not able to defend his little girl. I thank the Lord for stepping in. He gave me a wonderful God-fearing husband who protects our family no matter who says what about it.

So..to all the men out there: stand in front of your daughters. Her life depends on it.

Thank you to my reader who shared this, and thank you to the LORD for doing a wonderful work in her life!

Your thoughts...