Let's face it, Men, there are a lot of ways our daughters can be hurt in today's society. We need to be diligent in our protection of them and not shy away from those we believe may be a predator in the lurking.Our culture comes at our daughters fast and furious, and in ways that on the surface may seem "harmless" or even "good." One of these ways is through the attempted hijacking of our daughters hearts through "boy bands." In my era it was "New Kids on the Block." Today, it's groups like the Jonas Brothers, who, if ever wanted to come near my girls would end up on the back of a milk carton as missing. These boys aren't anything I would ever hope my girls would marry and find it appalling that many Christian's actually push these dweebs on their girls and even hint at them being "good catches." PLEASE!
Don't forget it was a Jonas boy who dated Miley Cyrus and received photos of her in her under-garments via their cell phones. Godly standard? Not even close!
Another area our daughters need protection in is from those who may find them attractive. As your daughters grow older and enter into those years when they begin changing and go from being your "little" girl to being your "young" lady, you're not the only one who will notice the changes! Men are men, and men (Christian and especially Non) are looking for easy targets. They may be especially attracted to your girls if you're raising them to be feminine and are cultivating Godly character in them. Femininity and a quiet spirit are two Male magnets, so be on the look out.
For those guys who may think I'm going too far, or doubt what I'm saying, just think back to your BC days (before Christ). You know how you were, at least I do, and it wasn't a pretty thing. So be on your guard against guys who remind you of......well..... YOU! Your daughters will be very thankful that you stood up for them in the face of adversity and protected their heart from those who had wrong motives, and just for clarity, anything other than a lifetime commitment in the covenant of marriage, is a wrong motive!
You have one shot at raising your daughters, so don't blow it. If defending your girls means losing some relationships, lose them. If defending them means looking foolish, look foolish. If defending them means you get talked about, get talked about. I think there may be another group talking about you not from the world....like the Trinity, and the Angels!
The word of God says in the Song of Songs not to "awaken love before it's time," and how I see it, it isn't time until she's ready for marriage. So I leave you with this verse, and hope to God you have no regrets on your daughter's wedding day, which is possible with the grace and power of God:
"Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong."
-1 Corinthians 16:13
-1 Corinthians 16:13
11 Intelligent Responses:
The best defense is a good offense...keep those lines of communication open with your daughters. Stay engaged despite the fact that you don't understand a girls world. I would like to hear some practical ways to defend our daughters...you know other then swinging a sword or shining a shot gun. How about some dialogue on how to communicate with a daughter...a teenage daughter. From my experience, two teenage girls, walk humbly and listen well.
Love the picture, love the thoughts!
I am proud to be married to a man who does his best to protect his daughters and wife and doesn't sit passively by. I know many women would agree with your article and regret that they did not have fathers who were active in protecting them. So sad and tragic that so much heartache could have been prevented.
Keep up the good posts---hopefully men will read this and be inspired to take action.
John,
Thanks for the comment.
You know, June and I haven't found that communicating with "teenagers" is much different, or harder, than communicating with our other children. I believe the key to communicating with daughters is having their hearts. That which possesses the heart possesses the child.
We've worked hard on limiting negative outside influences and have seen the Lord do some amazing things in our girls. Do they fall short some times?--you bet--but the Lord is good and He allows us to keep building!
Walk humbly and listen well is good advice!
June,
Thanks for the kind words. I can't go wrong when I "cut and paste" from your blog! lol
Very well said! It is hard to find families that teach these values. We have 5 sons and 1 daughter. We have taught our children these trues from the beginning. It is wonderful to hear our boys talk about where they believe the Lord is leading them as far as a job/career and whether it would be a good family job and if they would be able to support a wife and a family...
I will forward this to my dear husband. Your blog will encourage him!
Blessings to the Fuentes Family!
I agree with absolutely everything you posted. Being a man and having been around men their motives are not always clear cut. They claim one thing but are not out for that one thing but that other thing.
So as many have said before we need to help our daughters to aim high as fathers, by being gentlemen to them and our wives. Step up men they become women fast.
You know... as an adult woman (once my father's daughter; he's been gone for a long time now) I can honestly say that you will more than likely drive your daughters away from you if you hold to this particular line once they're past age 10 or so.
Everyone wants to protect their kids, and yet... kids need to grow up. That means - to a great degree - that parents have to allow them to make their own mistakes.
And I feel sorry for *any* guy your daughters bring home, based on the way you judge so many as "dweebs." C'mon - weren't all of us dweeby when we were teenagers? (I was, lots of my classmates were - and so were our male counterparts.)
Oh, and... I'm grandma-aged now. (Maybe old enough to know what I'm talking about, just maybe... ;-))
Spinning,
I don't think you should throw out the baby with the bath water. Just because you may have been driven away from your father when you were younger, doesn't mean my daughters will be.
Sure, most of us were "dweeby," as you say, in our teen years, but I wasn't raised in a Christian home, with a protective father and mother, like my daughters have, so to assume they'll be driven away from me because I love and protect them is sad to say the least. Why do you have such a defeated view???
It`s a good thing that you love your daughters and want to stand up for them. All kids should have such a dad. But you give me the impression that you consider female purity and virtuousness as more valuable and more important than male, so therefore daughters require special protection.
I don`t see why. Both teenage boys and teenage girls need parental guidance and protection, as they easily could be led astray by emotions and bad company.
Female virginity may traditionally have been some trademark for men to protect and exchange, but Jesus brought us a new gospel. To God, there is no difference between male and female purity. They are of equal value. Both daughters and sons should be raised to become conscious, independent adults, taught to always stay in personal contact with God and always be led by Him and no one else.
As they grow older, they`re supposed to need lesser and lesser of parental protection, to grow into independent adulthood, become able to take care and responsibility of their own life. Otherwise parents have failed.
MOJ,
You say you don't see why girls need special protection; look around, who are most rape victims? Who gets taken advantage of most often? Who, if they give in at a moment of weakness, is left being a single parent? And who, did God make the weaker vessel?
Next, you say: "Female virginity may traditionally have been some trademark for men to protect and exchange, but Jesus brought us a new gospel." Jesus did not bring any "new" gospel, and are you saying that because of the gospel female virginity no longer matters? Confusing remarks...
You then said:
"As they grow older, they`re supposed to need lesser and lesser of parental protection, to grow into independent adulthood, become able to take care and responsibility of their own life. Otherwise parents have failed."
Where does the bible say this?
Your androgynous approach to parenting is very disturbing. To not see any difference in how we raise boys and girls is dumbfounding.
I agree, however, that boys must be taught self-control and also need protecting, but their protection is different than the protection I afford my girls, because you see, men are natural hunters, and girls are naturally hunted. So my boys must learn to control their desire for a pretty lady, and my girls must be protected from boys who've not learned this.
I think Steve is on the right track.
Im a 23 year old woman, and purely through the saving grace of Jesus, I am not a radical feminist man hating athiest given my upbringing. My father and mother got divorced when I was little more than a year old and I didn't meet my father again til I was 18. My entire life, my father was never mentioned except by whispered comments by my mothers family. I was instead raised by an abusive step father who frequently molested me and taught me I was only good for cleaning, cooking and spreading my legs, all while this man called himself a "Christian". I became a Christian when I was 14 because I so desperately wanted a Father who loved me unconditionally. Even though I loved God, I didn't understand how to act as a growing young woman, so I did the only thing I was taught, I had sex with my boyfriend and cooked and cleaned for him. It wasn't until I was in college I got a revelation from Jesus about the sin I was committing and how I had to relearn his standards and take away the only standards I knew. I wish I had a godly father to teach me all of those so important lessons when I was a child and teen. Luckily, I am now married to a godly man who loves Jesus and trusts his bible and I get the pleasure of watching him prepare for when we have sons and daughters. But I will say as a daughter who was once lost but is now found, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a father taking his job of loving and protecting his daughters seriously. Steve, even if your daughters make mistakes and don't understand your efforts now, they will love and respect you for what you are trying to achieve for you are a godly man and I wish there were more of you in this world. God Bless
Hi Melody,
Your story is both gut wrenching, and filled with hope at the same time. My heart breaks for you, and others in your prior situation. As well, my heart rejoices with you for the fact that today you are child of God, and married to a man who loves and serves the LORD as well.
I"m sure you and your husband have made the best decision about whether or not to bring your step-father to justice for the years of molestation, and I'm hoping he's paying the price for it today.
Thanks so much for the kind words, and please pray for me as I seek to raise my 5 boys and 3 girls to love the LORD.
Blessings...
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