Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Boys Will Be Boys


I have five boys, so let's just say I know a thing or two about how boys act on their road to manhood. Besides having five sons, I have two older brothers, and we were no different growing up either. Boys have a need to express themselves in masculine ways, and a good parent won't try to beat that out of them, or steer them toward expressing themselves like their sisters. A bloody nose is good medicine for the road ahead.

The goal of raising sons is to prepare them to be leaders one day. Whether that's in the form of husband, father, business owner, elder or deacon, we need to teach our boys that life isn't always fair and that sometimes they may need to fight for what is right. To shield your boy from the pain of life is to render him damaged for the the future. Momma won't always be there, and they should learn early on that Momma doesn't always have to be there.

Recently my boys have had some minor tussles with other boys from the neighborhood, and like good sports, after the dust settled, they shook hands and put it behind them. By no means do I want to raise bullies who seek blood for no good reason, but on the other hand, neither do I want to raise cowards who go running away when life gets a little tough. There's a time to talk, and a time to fight; a time to stand fast, and a time to retreat; and our goal as parents is to teach our boys when those times are.

8 Intelligent Responses:

Jonathan Evan Devine said...

Great article Mr. Fuentes!

Steve said...

Thanks, Evan!

Dulantha said...

Good post..........

However today there is a big problem for boys. That is some hypocritical fathers are trying to raise their daughters like boys. This is badly affecting on boy's psychology. On the other hand some people are trying to eliminate feminine gender specifications from the female community and they call it gender neutralizing. This is complicating the whole sexuality. We must protect boy's psychologically too.

Parisienne Farmgirl said...

Great post - great comment Dulantha...

I am so burned out on boys no being allowed to be boys... the brainwashing has even perverted the church and my family...

I feel a post coming!

Steve said...

Dulantha, Like PF said, great comment.

PF, write the post. You're right, we must allow our boys to be boys!

Leah said...

I have a lot of respect for you and June and really enjoy her blog.

I was wondering if I might get a male's perspective on something. This isn't easy for me to ask, but I am struggling with an issue in regards to my husband.

I truly believe in being submissive and respectful to him. That is actually easier for me than knowing how to lovingly confront him or even if to.

What further complicates it is that he is a very godly man and a great husband, as well as a pastor.

Sacrificial and giving, I couldn't ask for better, except that it doesn't seem to extend much to our children. He is very different with them. Although he has grown in patience, he has no heart to disciple them and flip-flops from fostering worldliness and acting crazy and silly all the time with them to being curt and easily irritated. The heart, maturity and patience he has for the people of the church doesn't extend to them.

The desire to foster the things of God or maturity in their hearts just seems almost completely absent.

This has grieved me for a while and any gentle request to read a parenting book such as Ted Tripp's, has been met with defensiveness.

I have prayed for a very long time that God would change his heart in this area but I must confess to a growing resentment towards being supportive as a pastor's wife if he has not a shepherd's heart towards his children.

I must re-iterate, that he is one of the best husbands a wife could ever ask for. He is so very faithful, patient and loving with me. Does it seem odd that his perspective towards the children should be so different?

Do you have any suggestions for how to address this issue in a way that is respectful and honoring, or do I just keep silent?

Steve said...

Hi Leah,

It's with great uncertainty that I offer any kind of answer to your situation, since I don't know your husband, or anything about his life as a Pastor. Just going off what you said, a few things come to mind:

1. Share your heart with your husband concerning his shortcomings as a father. I believe God has given wives the unique position of knowing their husbands best, and based on your words about him being a great guy, I'm sure he'd love to hear your heart on the matter.

2. If your children are older, have them share their hearts with him.

3. If he's on a Pastoral team, and the first two options don't produce any immediate fruit, ask him to meet with another Pastor at your church and seek their counsel.

I fall short just like your husband, Leah, and the Lord has used my wife to encourage me in areas that addressing. When done lovingly, a good husband will take very seriously the concerns of his wife.

Blessings,
Steve

Leah said...

Thank you for your insight, Steve. I am sure it was as difficult to answer as it was for me to ask!